Getting SOOO frustrated with hubby and purging project - RV-Dreams Community Forum

cherylbrv · RV-Dreams Family Member

Getting SOOO frustrated with hubby and purging project

PIEERE · RV-Dreams Family Member

biggrin biggrin biggrin LOL!!!! For a man too get rid of his favorite "JUNQUE" is like taking candy away from a Baby!!!! Wah! Wah! I keep threatening to start this old camper this Spring park by the big Green Monster and let it have a giganic meal!!! wink wink Now I am trying to locate my Heart to have heart enough to do it! Lots-O-Luck! Don't scream too loud it hurts my ears!!!

-- Edited by PIEERE on Sunday 2nd of February 2014 03:59:34 PM

Jo and Ben · RV-Dreams Family Member

Cheryl, there is a charity called World Computer Exchange that accepts (some) old computers and uses them to build computer labs for schools in undeveloped countries. Might be an option. I know exactly how you are feeling! I was getting really frustrated too, finally had a meltdown about needing to get stuff DONE and after that finally we got in gear. Three weeks later the house was on the market :)
Jo

el Rojo and Pam · RV-Dreams Family Member

POWER TOOLS!!!!!!! Whatcha got! Oh never mind I just heard a NO and Get Back to Work from the other room.

Sorry Cheryl.

cherylbrv · RV-Dreams Family Member

Pieere and Red - you make me laugh!!! Jo - it's not just computers: it's hubs, routers, monitors, cables, power supplies, more cables (which, btw, he uses a lot of LAN cables for work as he installs networks... he must have thousands of cables laying around the house. He can't just put them in a box -- he now needs to MEASURE each and every one, and put them each in individual ziploc bags noting the measurement. Ok, this will definitely make his life so much easier down the road (when he needs a 10' cable, he'll know just where to look). But he's always suffered from ADHD. Why *** NOW *** after 56 years has he just decided to get organized???? furious furious wink doh

Lucky Mike · RV-Dreams Family Member

I would jump in but I have 2 side compartments loaded full of Tools!!!!(Trix is a witness)....not to mention hiding spots in the coach ,and I live with a dog!!

I understand your frustration tho.....you are closing one chapter in you life and are getting ready to write an adventure novel.........

I feel for you , we all did it in one way or another...(Nikki has 4 dog bowls & 3 beds, Why?)

It will come together ......Live, Breathe ,Relax!!!

jrzygrl64 · RV-Dreams Family Member

I am not quite where you are, however, I am also a bit frustrated. A while back we made a list of things needing to be done before listing the house. Then the other day I talked to our realtor and we set a tentative list date of 5 weeks from this weekend, so about March 8. Nothing etched in stone, mind you, just a target date to aim for. She said that would be a good time in this area. She sold us this house 11 years ago and we have stayed in touch, so she knows the house. She came and saw it, I think, around Thanksgiving so I could get her thoughts on if we needed to make any large changes or just the usual declutter and depersonalizing. We made a small list of fairly minor things like touch-up paint, etc. Yesterday I told Bill that I spoke to her and our tentative date. He had a, I don't know what to call it, but went on and on about all that needs to be done, etc and there is NO WAY we will be ready by then. I was a bit speechless (which is RARE for me - LOL!) and just let him have his say and didn't say a word. He calmed down and walked away and maybe a half hour later just started talking to me about something else. I have decided to just stay the course and do what needs to be done. I am chalking it up to stress and having a "bad moment". This just confirms to me that us doing this is the right thing, as if it weren't for all the stress from this job of his, he would not have reacted that way. He is the calm one, not me, so that role-reversal was just further proof of his needing to get out of there.

Thanks for letting me vent on your thread, Cheryl! Guess we all have our frustrations, they all just play out differently.

cherylbrv · RV-Dreams Family Member

Vent away, Kelly! I think one of the problems is that Mitch doesn't do any of the accounting. We weren't in a rush (been working on this project for 3 years), but since I lost my job at the end of December, it's very iffy how long we'll be able to make the mortgage payments, so we really ARE in a huge rush now to get this place on the market sooner rather than later. Maybe that fact hasn't hit him yet (although I'm about to!)

PIEERE · RV-Dreams Family Member

It's Compulsive Obsessive Disorder settling in now!!! Now it isn't Right to the Moon; Alice; It's Mitch!!! Snap your fingers maybe someone hypnotized him!!! Don't hit him to hard; you might need him!!!

Terry and Jo · RV-Dreams Family Member

I'm not sure whether to bring this up or not, being I'm not a psychologist, but could it be that the husbands in this thread that are hesitating may be having second thoughts? It might be a good idea to feel them out because both people in a couple need to fully be on board.

Terry

Barbaraok · RV-Dreams Family Member

What will happen if you are a week or two late getting the house listed (it is just February)? Prime selling time is April - July. People react differently to giving their 'treasures' away. We had a real hard time with books. Everyone is different and if you want this new venture to succeed, then lighten up and let him do his thing. Pressuring someone to 'hurry up' only says that you don't value his efforts to do the right thing and leads to resentment. There will be enough trying times ahead as you adjust to this new lifestyle you don't need to start with built in resentments.

Barb

Dog Folks · RV-Dreams Family Member

Terry and Jo wrote:
I'm not sure whether to bring this up or not, being I'm not a psychologist, but could it be that the husbands in this thread that are hesitating may be having second thoughts? It might be a good idea to feel them out because both people in a couple need to fully be on board.
Terry

My thoughts also.

Or the hubby is going "slow" so he can acclimatize to the idea.

You have to admit this is a huge change in life and sometimes a little scary.

Talk to him.

cherylbrv · RV-Dreams Family Member

Thanks, Terry and Barb. Good advice, but I can assure you,we are definitely on the same page, chasing after the same dream. Sometimes when I start having doubts, he's the one that nudges me back on track. We BOTH are always talking about the RV this and the RV that. I think it's really more about his possessions and having been a pack rat all these years -- it's the habit that's hard to break.

But I will try to go easier on him. Thanks for the advice.

Camper Chronicles · RV-Dreams Family Member

Hi Cheryl,

It's possible that the delay is being caused by more of an emotional reaction than anything else. Lee tends to be a pack rat as well...but that's all about how the stuff gives him comfort not the stuff itself. Your turning your life upside down in a short period of time and maybe holding onto these things is his way of not letting go. That being said, if it was my husband I would try to get to the root of the problem quickly and then push to solve that and let the stuff go. As you said you are on a tight time frame. Perfect world he could take all the time he needed to mentally prepare but it's not the perfect world. Good luck sweetie and hang in there.

cherylbrv · RV-Dreams Family Member

Mitch's problem isn't so much the personal attachment to his things, as it is that he might have the need to use it again and doesn't want to have to replace it (even down to the thousands of screws he has!)

Autumngemstone · RV-Dreams Community Member

Oh man this sounds just like me. I have boxes of computer stuff that is now so old that it wouldn't even make a good boat anchor. My wife Barbara keeps trying to sneak them into the junk pile, but somehow I bring it back from the dead. I have stuff that I just might need in the future. We really have no room for it and I should get rid of that stuff. I have found that just when I get rid of something that is when I end up needing just that part.

cherylbrv · RV-Dreams Family Member

And you are so right, Michael! That IS exactly what happens -- once we get rid of something, he often DOES end up needing it again. But there comes a point when you just have to go out and spend the $1.00 or $10 or $20 to replace it when that time comes rather than using up precious space.

el Rojo and Pam · RV-Dreams Family Member

I have kept so much stuff I wind up buying new because I can't ind the old one. Of course it shows up right after I put the new part in service, just like putting salt in the wound.

cherylbrv · RV-Dreams Family Member

Red - LOL!!!!! Couldn't be more true!!!!

PIEERE · RV-Dreams Family Member

biggrin biggrin Red! You nailed it right on it's head!!! When i have to replace it I usually buy a couple extras. More clutter to find a spot for!

cherylbrv · RV-Dreams Family Member

BTW, you gentlemen aren't really helping my cause here!!! biggrin

Lucky Mike · RV-Dreams Family Member

You do know cheryl that if you spent less time on the forum you could pick up his slack!......(LOL)..just Say'in

PIEERE · RV-Dreams Family Member

Lucky Mike wrote:
You do know cheryl that if you spent less time on the forum you could pick up his slack!......(LOL)..just Say'in

confuse confuse Cheryl is going to track us down like a hunter on an African Big game Safari! biggrin biggrin At least we know Who is 1st on the List!!!!

-- Edited by PIEERE on Monday 3rd of February 2014 10:13:32 AM

el Rojo and Pam · RV-Dreams Family Member

Lucky Mike wrote:
You do know cheryl that if you spent less time on the forum you could pick up his slack!......(LOL)..just Say'in

Yeah but we'd miss her!

NWescapee · RV-Dreams Family Member

Cheryl - not sure if this helps, but we put the house on the market without everything being purged. The house was pretty well purged and staged and we had moved into the RV on the driveway. However, the garage and the storage room behind the garage were nowhere close to being purged when we were within 2 weeks of listing.

We had a group of friends who came over a week before the house went on the market for a "work party" (yes, wonderful friends, they cleaned windows, carpets, weeded the yard, etc.). The day before they came over we pulled out all the perfectly good "stuff" that we knew wasn't going with us that Dale was having trouble throwing away. Those friends were happy to relieve us of yard care products, de-icer for sidewalks, tools, rakes, shovels, a bin of screws/nuts/bolts, etc. Then we had the neighbors come over and pick through "stuff", in 2 days we had about 1/2 the "stuff" that we knew wasn't going with us but things Dale didn't want to just throw away GONE!!

He then continued to sort and purge for the next few days. The day before the house went on the market, I boxed up lots of the remaining stuff, made sure the storage room shelves looked neat and not too overcrowded and we put the house on the market. Once we had a signed contract we opened those boxes one by one and continued the purging while the house closing process continued. That gave us another 5 weeks of purging, sorting, donating, finding specialized charities that accepted items Goodwill wouldn't, etc.

We also found that putting stuff on our curb on a Saturday morning with a large "free" sign resulted in 95% of that stuff being gone by Saturday evening. Our house was being purged during the start of garage sale season where we lived and lots of people were out shopping for treasures and were happy to pick up the free items. I think we did that on 4 different occasions and it was amazing what people took that we thought would be going to the dump.

jrzygrl64 · RV-Dreams Family Member

I really appreciate everyones comments, and I can tell you with certainty, Bill wants this as much as I do, actually he NEEDS this more than I do. He just had a "moment". He does feel stressed about it, between his current (crappy) job and the thought of all that needs to be done around here. I agree that if listing the house is delayed a week or two, it isn't the end of the world, I just wanted some type of time frame so we don't keep saying "tomorrow". We are going to do what needs to be done and no more procrastinating, one day at a time. My cousin volunteered to come spend a week with me helping me, she is very good at organizing, etc. He was just thinking of all these little things that he thinks people are going to not want to buy the house, like some grout in the kitchen floor needs a bit of repair. No big deal, but at that moment, he was like "they will think the floor wasn't installed right and what else wasn't done right?". It's a 23 year old house, no one is going to not buy it b/c some grout needs to be repaired, if they even notice. That is 100% stress talking from being so damn tired after working 72 hours last week!

Thanks again everyone for letting me vent! I'd rather be able to do it here than take it back out on him! That NEVER ends well.

Kelly

-- Edited by jrzygrl64 on Monday 3rd of February 2014 04:48:26 PM

cherylbrv · RV-Dreams Family Member

There's a lot of cosmetic repairs that needed to be done to our 30 year old house, including stuff like grout. We took care of the real obvious stuff that folks will notice when they walk in the door, so that they don't get the impression that the house needs a lot of work. However, beyond that, all the "little" stuff can be negotiated and we're willing to come down a lot in price just so we can sell quickly.

Terry and Jo · RV-Dreams Family Member

One more comment from me. For DECADES I was the consummate pack rat and procrastinator. When Jo brought up this idea of RV'ing, I went into the garage to start with and began to look at tools. With each one, I asked myself, "When did I last use that?" Shockingly to me, many of the items hadn't been touched since we moved into the house a few years before. Being one that values his tools, I did have some that didn't get bought at the garage sales and to relatives. When we finally moved out, we left them in the garage and basically gave them to the buyers of our home. I told him that I had no need for them and he could either keep the stuff or sell it.

We will be moving from our current location in about 5 months after we retire, so I will get to go through things again and do some more purging of items that I haven't been using.

So, I can fully relate to the other pack rats, but I'm getting better at even giving things away. The lady at the "nearby" Goodwill store doesn't even ask us anymore if we want a receipt for our donation. She knows that we don't need that because we don't itemize.

Oh, and I'm still fighting with the "pack rat syndrome."

Terry

WestWardHo · RV-Dreams Family Member

Great posts on this subject. I think it's kinda normal to think you,have more time than you do to get it all sorted/sold/donated! We had our cleaning gal come in for a full day and hired the carpets cleaned after we left but we also were blessed that we had wonderful friends who LISTED and hauled truckloads the very last items from our garage to the Humane Society! We just weren't done as we thought we were and wouldn't have made it without friends!

Hopefully, your husband will get to the point where he donates what he doesn't need on the road. I also agree with the posters who say it's stress about the move that may have bound him up for a few days. We do the same when we're overwhelmed, we organize and make lists. It allows us to at least have the illusion we're in control of a very chaotic situation. 😄

As I said in an earlier post, My husband would haul things out to our RV and I would haul them back in and visa versa. That worked (mostly) for us because it required conversation about what we really needed. I'm embarrassed to tell you that we just added a class C to our arsenal and we have furnished mostly not all of it from duplicates and maybe triplicates that I had loaded in our 5'er only 8 months ago! We had great friends give us a new stick vacuum just like what they loved in their 5'er and we picked up some short queen sheets, and a few other things we needed but we were WAY overpacked! Sigh.

Guess I'm just saying it will all work out in the end.

Sherry

cherylbrv · RV-Dreams Family Member

Yes, it definitely will work well in the end. We made significant progress today as we're between snow storms. The snow blocking the dumpster melted enough that we were able to push it aside so we could put more stuff into it. Mitch was really good about throwing more stuff out, and I tried really hard to lay off of him when he asked to put something on the side to think about later.

Now the challenge is for him to figure out what he wants to do with 4 large boxes of Byte Magazines from the 1970-80s!!!

dewwood · RV-Dreams Family Member

I have some 5*1/4" floppies if he is in need of some more stuff.

cherylbrv · RV-Dreams Family Member

dewwood wrote:
I have some 5*1/4" floppies if he is in need of some more stuff.

ROFLMBO!!!!! We actually did find a few of those as well, but he was good to throw them out!

Dog Folks · RV-Dreams Family Member

cherylbrv wrote:
dewwood wrote:
I have some 5*1/4" floppies if he is in need of some more stuff.
ROFLMBO!!!!! We actually did find a few of those as well, but he was good to throw them out!

Well, there you go! It's a start!

cherylbrv · RV-Dreams Family Member

Actually, he just said he only wants 8" floppies.

LibertyLinda · RV-Dreams Family Member

Cheryl,
I am where you are at. My data networking hubby has cords, and cords, and cords everywhere. I was allowed to throw out CD's the other day, LOL. I have tried to find my Zen in all of this - when I am crying while scanning pictures and it seems like he does not have the same urgency to "get it all done". At the same time deal with the guilt of putting pressure on the poor guy stuck working nights and he is the one that has to do all the fixing around the house. I think I found my Zen by focusing on what I can do, and leave him be for the most part. He is clear on the listing date first of March. If stuff isn't done on his part, it isn't done, the house will list as is.
It will all work out in the end, it is all part of the journey.
Happy RV-Dreams. :)

BiggarView · RV-Dreams Family Member

cherylbrv wrote:

....Now the challenge is for him to figure out what he wants to do with 4 large boxes of Byte Magazines from the 1970-80s!!!

Except for those pesky ordinances many communities have, I say they'd make a great bonfire. biggrin

Patience is a virtue. I have tons of model trains and modelling supplies to work through so I feel his pain. It's great hobby but I don't see a realistic way to do it when we go FT. It's space hog no matter which way you slice it.

kb0zke · RV-Dreams Family Member

We've been doing this same thing for the past month or two. I'm pretty much to the point where I could put the rest of my stuff into the coach tomorrow and hit the road. Jo Ann, though, is working through her stuff, and it is taking her a lot longer. We're taking some things that we know we need for a while yet, but then they will be replaced with new stuff. Other things are going to go with us now, knowing that what's in those boxes will either be kept with us or put in a dumpster somewhere (no personal information there). We have no restrictions on burning, so any papers with personal information on them, no matter how old and out-of-date, are burned. I do have several boxes of Flying, QST, and Sport Aviation magazines that will probably just go down to the recycle place in Buffalo the next time we go that way.

MAX-ANN · RV-Dreams Community Member

Hi, Cheryl, Mine isn't into computers, but he has a huge garage full of machinist tools and various assortments of other types of tools. And we are suppose to close on March 17!! When he goes out to work on it, he finds something he hasn't seen in years and gets distracted. I keep telling myself it will work out! lol Good luck to you!

cherylbrv · RV-Dreams Family Member

MAX-ANN wrote:
When he goes out to work on it, he finds something he hasn't seen in years and gets distracted. I keep telling myself it will work out! lol Good luck to you!

Yep!!!!

el Rojo and Pam · RV-Dreams Family Member

You ladies just don't understand the relationship a guy has with his tools. LOL! I found a way to keep mine.

Just saying.

Red

Bill and Jodee · RV-Dreams Family Member

First time a repair is needed on the MH and it needs the tool that got left behind at the Goodwill.................gonna hear about it for days

!

Terry and Jo · RV-Dreams Family Member

Bill and Jodee wrote:
First time a repair is needed on the MH and it needs the tool that got left behind at the Goodwill.................gonna hear about it for days !

Nope. I'm the tool guy and have been for some time, but I'm now at the point that I don't even remember all the tools that I had. In fact, I'm so old and forgetful that I'm not sure where all the tools I do have are located. When I go looking for a particular tool, I have to check the basement on two sides and two different trucks.

Terry