The question I have to my RV-Dreams family, why do I not have the calling to see my family like my wife. My wife has to see our son, his wife, 4 grand kids and mom about 2 to 4 times a month 70 miles away, I see them maybe once every 2 months, I have not seen my mom, sister, or brother in over a year 120 miles away, I do call them maybe once every 2 weeks or less. Our business has me on call 24/ 7, it does put a lot of stress on me but why do I not have the calling to see my family like my wife does. How will this work when we go on the road, will I have to fly her home to see our family every month? Sometimes I feel there is something wrong with me. Is there anyone else out there have this in your life, this does bother me and sometimes not, my wife is on me about this subject when she goes to see our family. Would love to hear from my RV-Dreams family, Thanks.
Lonney
Lucky Mike said
02:48 PM Apr 18, 2014
right about when I miss my kids they Call!!!!...........right about when I miss my kids they want to come stay the weekend and need money!!!!
Lonney Wade said
03:26 PM Apr 18, 2014
Mike you made me chuckle, thanks for being honest, you are being yourself and that's what makes you so special and fun to talk to.
Lonney
cherylbrv said
04:14 PM Apr 18, 2014
With today's technology - between email and instant messenger and Skype with video - it's so easy to stay in touch with those we love without being there in person. In fact, it's awesome the way my sister in law helps take care of her grandchild -- she actually gets down on the floor and plays with the same set of toys he has. She's in NJ, the grandkid is in CA!!! This is all done via Skype. Amazing! So, personally, I think if you can stay in contact that way, you don't need to be in person several times a month.
But that just my opinion FWIW. Every family and individual has different needs that need to be respected.
WestWardHo said
06:12 PM Apr 18, 2014
Looney,
A very interesting subject and I think I'm going to step in a pile of something here with my response.
I've noticed cultural differences internationally, nationally, regionally so I think it has a lot to do with your wife's upbringing and social norms in her community and her family.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. You're just different and different isn't wrong.
My husband, Jesse, and I have grown children from different marriages and we adore, respect and love them to pieces. We each would literally die for our own but....
We raised our 'birds' to fly from the nest and make it on their own and they are all doing spectacularly well. They spread their wings and have homes and families all around the country.
I know, as a mom, it broke my heart each and every time my child grew and went on to their own life but that was MY heartache not to be laid upon them.
Do we wish we were closer to our grandchildren as our grandparents were to us? You bet!!!
Just wondering if the RV lifestyle is right for your wife? Nothing wrong with that (or you!). I observed folks from the Midwest moving to our Arizona community and buying a home and a year later selling and moving back because she missed the kids and grandkids too much.
It's about our (mom's) dependency as much or more than the kids.
Hoping you find the solution that fits you both.
Sherry
bjoyce said
07:35 PM Apr 18, 2014
Wait until one of the kids or spouses gets a promotion or job that requires a move to another state (or country).
-- Edited by bjoyce on Friday 18th of April 2014 07:36:32 PM
Lonney Wade said
07:40 PM Apr 18, 2014
Thank you Cheryl, we are going to use Skype tonight and talk to the kids.
Sherry I have put a rug down where you are stepping it will be soft but you will not get the pile that you were talking about on you. Our son has a 5 year old that has Autism, he is on the Spectrum he does not speak but he goes to a school that helps him, he is now putting cards up to communicate, funny he can work the Ipad like a pro. This is very hard on our son plus he has 3 more children to raise so my wife (mom) has to come and helpout. Sherry, Thank you for your wisdom, you done good !!!!
Lonney
Barbaraok said
10:08 PM Apr 18, 2014
Sometimes the VERY best thing you can do for your kids is to leave and let them fly on their own. Think of all of our ancestors coming across the sea, knowing they would never see their families again. They had to make it in their own.
Often it is not the kids who need us, but our need to feel like we are still in control, that our help can not be done without, but if we died they would do just fine. And that thought is scary, that they might not need or miss us. So we 'make ourselves necessary' so we don't have to think about not being needed.
Barb
TRAILERKING said
10:32 PM Apr 18, 2014
Barbaraok wrote:
Sometimes the VERY best thing you can do for your kids is to leave and let them fly on their own. Think of all of our ancestors coming across the sea, knowing they would never see their families again. They had to make it in their own.
Often it is not the kids who need us, but our need to feel like we are still in control, that our help can not be done without, but if we died they would do just fine. And that thought is scary, that they might not need or miss us. So we 'make ourselves necessary' so we don't have to think about not being needed.
Barb
X10 on that................Well said.
NWescapee said
10:50 PM Apr 18, 2014
Have to agree with BarbaraOK on this, too easy to become a "crutch" to our kids. We love our daughter and her family but there is no way I'm spending more than a week each year in Oklahoma, certainly hoping to figure out how to get them to come visit us more often. That used to happen, but when we quit paying for their vacations, they quit coming to see us. Truly hoping that changes as we're traveling to lots of interesting places, if not, when the grandtwins are old enough to fly without their parents, we'll leave the parents behind!!
TRAILERKING said
11:04 PM Apr 18, 2014
NWescapee wrote:
...... if not, when the grandtwins are old enough to fly without their parents, we'll leave the parents behind!!
That's all we need.......We take the Grand daughter and the rest can stay home.
2riker2go said
04:39 AM Apr 19, 2014
I don't know if it's maybe partially a gender thing too. I look forward to seeing family a LOT more than Harry does. If it was up to him, we would still be down south somewhere seeing some more sights and soaking up some more sun. But being away since last September, I was REALLY ready to see family and so instead we are up here in upstate NY, where it is a balmy 28 degrees this morning. I agree, the wonders of Skype and other video chats really helps to make it easier to deal with missing family members while you are traveling.
-- Edited by 2riker2go on Saturday 19th of April 2014 04:40:24 AM
WestWardHo said
07:30 AM Apr 19, 2014
2riker2go wrote:
I don't know if it's maybe partially a gender thing too. I look forward to seeing family a LOT more than Harry does. If it was up to him, we would still be down south somewhere seeing some more sights and soaking up some more sun. But being away since last September, I was REALLY ready to see family and so instead we are up here in upstate NY, where it is a balmy 28 degrees this morning. I agree, the wonders of Skype and other video chats really helps to make it easier to deal with missing family members while you are traveling.
-- Edited by 2riker2go on Saturday 19th of April 2014 04:40:24 AM
Yeah, that too!!
sherry
PIEERE said
08:47 AM Apr 19, 2014
Some of the time I must remain silent as anything I say can be used against me!!! I'm keeping my thoughts to myself other than to say I visited them more than they returned the courtesy!
Jack Mayer said
12:06 PM Apr 19, 2014
At the risk of being edited or banned.....
Living your life for your children is OK, and actually appropriate, for a time. But not forever...Eventually one has to/should live their OWN life.... JMO, but what do I know... (I'm not addressing this comment to anyone in particular...it is a general comment.)
jrzygrl64 said
01:51 PM Apr 19, 2014
It was hard for me when my kids grew up and left the nest, much harder than it was for Bill. I was a stay-at-home until they were in high school and even then I only worked part-time b/c I was very involved in their school activities (band parent) and also in my sons Boy Scout troop. So when they left, it was "who am I now?" for awhile. So what did my loving family do? Got me a kitten! Anyway, I totally agree that there is a time and place for a parent (or parents) to be totally dedicated to their kids, but my kids, who are now 23 and 24, are flying in their own. Lots of kids their ages aren't yet and I am proud and happy that mine are. It's time once again for life to be about Bill and I and we are both excited to be starting a new chapter. That's not to say that we won't be planning trips back to PA to see them and sending an airline ticket in their Christmas cards. I am already budgeting that in!
Just my $.02
Kelly
WestWardHo said
06:29 PM Apr 19, 2014
Jack, absolutely no need for you to be edited. You said it well. Kelly too.
Sherry
Summersquash said
03:44 PM Apr 25, 2014
I think it comes from your family background. I am very attached to my kids.( not kids anymore). Kenny on the otherhand doesn't have the need to see them often. He is the same way with his Mom and sibblings. I was raised in a large family (10 brothers & sisters). We are all still very close.
When our daughter moved to The UK for a few years I had to go at least every 6 months and they tried to come home once a year. Kenny never went with me to see her, but he loves her dearly. As we get older our children need us less and I find that they are pulling away a bit so I have learned that we need to do what we want and let them manage. We have our own life to live while we are able.
It doesn't mean you love your children any less. As long as you know they are doing ok, you are good. Don't beat yourself up about it. Maybe your wife will do like me and come to the realization that they will be fine without her and they are only a phone call away.
Lonney Wade said
04:21 PM Apr 25, 2014
Let's just say My wifes mom did that to her and her brother, they rely on mom a lot, after 35 years you can't break the cycle, believe me I have tried, and a lot of fights. Lets just say, if I say more I will be dead meat, she reads this too. Do you get my drift. LOL !!!!
Lonney
Workinrvers said
04:40 PM Apr 25, 2014
I am of the opinion it is how you yourself was raised. My parents raised me and my siblings to be independent individuals and to make our own way in the world and I thank them for that. I raised my kids the same way. I knew I could depend on my parents for advice and moral support and give the same back to my kids. We do communicate with them regularly and there does come a time when I need a big "neck hug" from my grand kids. They do have their own lives though and we are only a small portion of that regardless if we live nearby or are several states away. Both of our kids are fine young adults with marriages, careers and families of their own to nurture and support. Yep, Dad and Mom are just a phone call away and we make sure we are more then available when they call but they certainly make their own decisions.
We worked hard to raise our family and sacrificed for them a lot along the way and it is always difficult to leave them after a visit, but, now is our time to devote to one another again and enjoy whatever life throws our way.
Phil
WestWardHo said
05:33 PM Apr 25, 2014
Looney, I am laughing with you AND angel too!
One of someone I know very well son's wife's parents came to visit their exquisite house when I was - oops when they were - there visiting. Watched the DIL's mom pick up two lamps and rearrange them to another place in their living room. My son - whoops - those people's son just went over and picked up,the lamps and put them back and said we prefer them there with a big smile.
I wouldn't dream of interfering with my grown children or their children and don't offer opinions unless I'm asked but that is extremely rare because they're living their own lives. At the same time, I miss mine with love every day.
Sherry
Lonney Wade said
06:30 PM Apr 25, 2014
Yeah I hear ya, laughing does help, but all things set aside when my wife was 14 years old her dad was killed in a car accident end over end in a truck, he was thrown out and the truck landed on top of him, he was drinking (DOA) soooo we meet 2 weeks later, it was very hard on all of them. We got married 3 years later. Now that I got that off my chest, no more sad stories I promise. She will come around (she told me she would) LOL !!!
(Lonney)
The Sages said
06:57 AM Apr 29, 2014
I have been struggling with this myself. I am very close to my kids/grandkids. Sometimes I think my name should be smother, not mother! I have not been separated from them for longer than 2 weeks and they are 28 and 32 with lovely families and good jobs. This may sound wacky, but I really have no problem leaving the grandkids because I know their capable parents will take care of them. But who will "smother" my boys? Who will take care of them? I know it is silly and they are 100% on board with us leaving and are very excited for us. I have 2 stepkids and grandkids in NC and CA who we will be visiting along the way on our travels. And we will be in MI where the other kids are for a few months each summer.
I am pretty sure, although hubby will miss the kids, it will be harder on me. But I am aware of the emotions I will be feeling when we actually hit the road. And many fellow rver's have assured me, you forget about it really quickly. I have always been one who looks forward, not back. I will get used to my new normal. And I won't feel obligated to babysit on call!!! Things are looking up already...
ChefMom said
05:58 AM May 1, 2014
I love my children more than anything, but you are 100% correct. It is time for some time for hubby and me. That is why we are making plans to go fulltime. They'll all need to get their acts together and we'll make sure they are in good shape before we go but then they'll have to continue on with life as we enter what could be the best chapter of our lives.
The question I have to my RV-Dreams family, why do I not have the calling to see my family like my wife.
My wife has to see our son, his wife, 4 grand kids and mom about 2 to 4 times a month 70 miles away, I see them maybe once every 2 months, I have not seen my mom, sister, or brother in over a year 120 miles away, I do call them maybe once every 2 weeks or less.
Our business has me on call 24/ 7, it does put a lot of stress on me but why do I not have the calling to see my family like my wife does.
How will this work when we go on the road, will I have to fly her home to see our family every month?
Sometimes I feel there is something wrong with me.
Is there anyone else out there have this in your life, this does bother me and sometimes not, my wife is on me about this subject when she goes to see our family.
Would love to hear from my RV-Dreams family, Thanks.
Lonney
Mike you made me chuckle, thanks for being honest, you are being yourself and that's what makes you so special and fun to talk to.
Lonney
But that just my opinion FWIW. Every family and individual has different needs that need to be respected.
A very interesting subject and I think I'm going to step in a pile of something here with my response.
I've noticed cultural differences internationally, nationally, regionally so I think it has a lot to do with your wife's upbringing and social norms in her community and her family.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. You're just different and different isn't wrong.
My husband, Jesse, and I have grown children from different marriages and we adore, respect and love them to pieces. We each would literally die for our own but....
We raised our 'birds' to fly from the nest and make it on their own and they are all doing spectacularly well. They spread their wings and have homes and families all around the country.
I know, as a mom, it broke my heart each and every time my child grew and went on to their own life but that was MY heartache not to be laid upon them.
Do we wish we were closer to our grandchildren as our grandparents were to us? You bet!!!
Just wondering if the RV lifestyle is right for your wife? Nothing wrong with that (or you!). I observed folks from the Midwest moving to our Arizona community and buying a home and a year later selling and moving back because she missed the kids and grandkids too much.
It's about our (mom's) dependency as much or more than the kids.
Hoping you find the solution that fits you both.
Sherry
Wait until one of the kids or spouses gets a promotion or job that requires a move to another state (or country).
-- Edited by bjoyce on Friday 18th of April 2014 07:36:32 PM
Thank you Cheryl, we are going to use Skype tonight and talk to the kids.
Sherry I have put a rug down where you are stepping it will be soft but you will not get the pile that you were talking about on you.
Our son has a 5 year old that has Autism, he is on the Spectrum he does not speak but he goes to a school that helps him, he is now putting cards up to communicate, funny he can work the Ipad like a pro.
This is very hard on our son plus he has 3 more children to raise so my wife (mom) has to come and help out.
Sherry, Thank you for your wisdom, you done good !!!!
Lonney
Often it is not the kids who need us, but our need to feel like we are still in control, that our help can not be done without, but if we died they would do just fine. And that thought is scary, that they might not need or miss us. So we 'make ourselves necessary' so we don't have to think about not being needed.
Barb
X10 on that................Well said.
That's all we need.......We take the Grand daughter and the rest can stay home.
I don't know if it's maybe partially a gender thing too. I look forward to seeing family a LOT more than Harry does. If it was up to him, we would still be down south somewhere seeing some more sights and soaking up some more sun. But being away since last September, I was REALLY ready to see family and so instead we are up here in upstate NY, where it is a balmy 28 degrees this morning.
I agree, the wonders of Skype and other video chats really helps to make it easier to deal with missing family members while you are traveling.
-- Edited by 2riker2go on Saturday 19th of April 2014 04:40:24 AM
Yeah, that too!!
sherry
Living your life for your children is OK, and actually appropriate, for a time. But not forever...Eventually one has to/should live their OWN life.... JMO, but what do I know... (I'm not addressing this comment to anyone in particular...it is a general comment.)
Just my $.02
Kelly
Sherry
When our daughter moved to The UK for a few years I had to go at least every 6 months and they tried to come home once a year. Kenny never went with me to see her, but he loves her dearly. As we get older our children need us less and I find that they are pulling away a bit so I have learned that we need to do what we want and let them manage. We have our own life to live while we are able.
It doesn't mean you love your children any less. As long as you know they are doing ok, you are good. Don't beat yourself up about it. Maybe your wife will do like me and come to the realization that they will be fine without her and they are only a phone call away.
Let's just say My wifes mom did that to her and her brother, they rely on mom a lot, after 35 years you can't break the cycle, believe me I have tried, and a lot of fights.
Lets just say, if I say more I will be dead meat, she reads this too.
Do you get my drift. LOL !!!!
Lonney
We worked hard to raise our family and sacrificed for them a lot along the way and it is always difficult to leave them after a visit, but, now is our time to devote to one another again and enjoy whatever life throws our way.
Phil
One of someone I know very well son's wife's parents came to visit their exquisite house when I was - oops when they were - there visiting. Watched the DIL's mom pick up two lamps and rearrange them to another place in their living room. My son - whoops - those people's son just went over and picked up,the lamps and put them back and said we prefer them there with a big smile.
I wouldn't dream of interfering with my grown children or their children and don't offer opinions unless I'm asked but that is extremely rare because they're living their own lives. At the same time, I miss mine with love every day.
Sherry
Yeah I hear ya, laughing does help, but all things set aside when my wife was 14 years old her dad was killed in a car accident end over end in a truck, he was thrown out and the truck landed on top of him, he was drinking (DOA) soooo we meet 2 weeks later, it was very hard on all of them.
We got married 3 years later.
Now that I got that off my chest, no more sad stories I promise.
She will come around (she told me she would) LOL !!!
(Lonney)
I am pretty sure, although hubby will miss the kids, it will be harder on me. But I am aware of the emotions I will be feeling when we actually hit the road. And many fellow rver's have assured me, you forget about it really quickly. I have always been one who looks forward, not back. I will get used to my new normal. And I won't feel obligated to babysit on call!!! Things are looking up already...
I love my children more than anything, but you are 100% correct. It is time for some time for hubby and me. That is why we are making plans to go fulltime. They'll all need to get their acts together and we'll make sure they are in good shape before we go but then they'll have to continue on with life as we enter what could be the best chapter of our lives.