Haven't posted for awhile...about 10 days ago my grandmother passed away and I went home to be with family and support my dad. Spent a ton of quality time with the larger extended family and talked a lot about our plans for full-timing and everyone was fascinated and incredibly supportive. It was nice feeling truly and I think something about her passing suddenly had everyone thinking about their futures and how they want to spend their remaining time, so under those circumstances they were actually more positive for the unconventional choice than they normally would have been.
So I get home feeling pretty good and my daughter calls and says she needs to talk..it's important. So tonight I found out I will be a grandmother for the first time. This daughter is 25 and lives in town with me and the baby is coming in October. We are scheduled to leave in January...so the good news is I will be here for the birth and the early weeks...the challenging part is I will not be the kind of grandmother mine was to me. I am feeling pretty conflicted and this is all really fresh, but since they aren't telling people for a little while longer I thought I would share my thoughts with my RV Dreams family.
I had two sets of grandparents...one was completely traditional (same small town, very involved in my life) the other set always traveled...heck they RV'd in a motor home for 3 years a long long time ago. My relationship with both sets was very strong in different ways, but my sister and brother (10 and 11 years younger than me) rarely know my rambling grandparents and have no connection with them at all. So although I am still incredibly committed to our plan, I now have a huge set of mixed emotions about how to be a grandmother on the road. I thought maybe I could get some feedback from those folks who have grandchildren and find out how they maintain a connection.
Please be gentle in your replies...it's been a crazy two weeks and I am feeling a little fragile :)
Thanks Trace
Jo and Ben said
08:45 PM Feb 19, 2014
Trace,
I am so sorry about your loss of your grandma. Of course you are feeling a little fragile! And that makes the idea of being far away from your own grand baby feel even more disappointing.
One thing that can really help is Skype. If they can see you when you talk to them on the phone, it helps to maintain the connection. My two grand babies live in another state and it took me a while to come to terms with the fact that I would not be able to be as involved in their lives as I would have liked. The first couple of years were hardest because they didn't remember me very well between visits. But once they get to be about 2-1/2 or 3 yrs old they definitely know who I am and remember me and love to talk to me on the phone, and greet me excitedly when I arrive for a visit.
I truly believe that we can establish a loving bond and healthy relationship with our grandchildren even if we aren't there all the time. It's the quality of the time with them, not the quantity :)
Please be kind to yourself during this time of grieving. My thoughts are with you.
Jo
SuzyQ said
09:22 PM Feb 19, 2014
we also have two young Grandsons 3 1/2 and 6 months old. While we traveled this past summer the oldest one got cards of all sorts(he only could read the pictures) hand wrote message and taped a quarter to each card. He was thrilled to get mail and add to his piggyback! We do get to see Skype with them. we are close to them now and will be hard to leave them when we start traveling again.
jrzygrl64 said
09:28 PM Feb 19, 2014
I also want to offer my condolenses on your Grandmothers passing. I have lost both my grandmothers and I know how hard it is. I am glad you got to share time with your family and be there for each other, especially your Dad. I am sure he appreciated your support.
Then to come home to such exciting news! Talk about conflict!
Congrat's on becoming a Grandmother!
I do not have grandchildren of my own yet. I do however have a great-niece and nephew who are the children of my niece (technically Bill's niece, not that it matters at all). She came to live with Bill and I back in 1997 when she was 15 years old. Her mother (Bill's sister) was no longer able to care for her (very long story) and so she moved from NJ to KY where we were living at the time. She got pregnant at 17 (while in NJ and visiting a friend) and had her daughter at 18 while she was living with us. Being the only mother figure she had (has - her mother passed in 2005), I was there for the entire pregnancy and birth and they lived with us for the first 18 months of her daughters life. The fact that she isn't "officially" my grandchild (or her brother who came later in 2004) doesn't take away from the love I have for them both. If you get to be in the room for the birth - WOW! That baby girl looked up at me before she was done being born - and my heart melted into mush.
Moving ahead - we now live in PA, they live in KS. Not very physically close at all. We talk on the phone all the time. We skype. We visit them, they visit us. Our first destination after the house sells will be to go see them. I would like to think that we will have so much more "quality" time together than we have now. Now visits are somewhat rushed b/c there are always schedules: school, work, airfares to consider. Bill and I have talked about bringing the kids with us on trips, flying them to us then driving them back or driving them with us then flying them back, something so they can come on part of our adventures. I miss them sometimes so much it physically hurts, but then I call and we catch up (or one time got on a plane) and then I am ok.
I am sure you will find your way to being the best grandma you can be, even considering, or even especially because you will be full-timing. Probably will be different than the relationship you had with your grandparents, but however it works out, I am SURE this new grand-baby and any future grand-babies will melt your heart and you will have no choice but to do whatever you need to do to insure they KNOW you and grandpa.
Peace be with you my friend, give yourself time - this is a lot at once!
Kelly
folivier said
07:56 AM Feb 20, 2014
We have a 5-1/2 YO granddaughter and her sister was born in December. Our traveling plans have us leaving in March and being gone until November. We are fortunate to spend the winter in southeast Louisiana on my wife's families farm near her mom. Which puts us 30 minutes from our granddaughters and 45 minutes from our other son. So we see them frequently while in.
We also fly in for a few weeks in early June for the 5 YOs birthday and to visit. Also we flew in from Salt Lake for a long weekend for grandparents day at her school to surprise her. Like I told my wife when we started full timing last year we are only a flight away and we'll fly in whenever we want/need to.
But the parents in todays hectic world aren't like when we grew up. Our parents would drag us to visit our grandparents often. Kids nowadays expect the grandparents to come visit them, when they have the time. So things are different. When we still had the S&B we lived 1 mile from our granddaughter and saw her maybe once a week. They're just real busy like most of the other young parents.
But in 2 weeks we take her to Disneyworld for a few days!
On the sadder part of this we have had to come in for a couple funerals and unfortunately missed one this past year. So things do work out.
MarkS said
09:10 AM Feb 20, 2014
Our condolences for your loss.
I can tell you from experience, it is tough not living where you can spoil the grand kids. Some of mine are in Colorado and some in Florida. Full-timing will bring us closer. We came to our current home for work. We have no social circle here or reason to stay. We are looking forward to spending more time with our family. The RV lets us spend months in each place whereas we would otherwise get a short week here and there.
Dog Folks said
09:57 AM Feb 20, 2014
Sorry for your loss.
Being on the road is actually better. No matter where your daughter's family may move., you can go and visit.
I know of a grandma that was talked into giving up her home in Florida, and moving back north, "to be close to the family." Within two years the family was scattered throughout the U.S. and she was alone again, this time in snow country.
With an RV that can't happen. You can always go to them. You have the flexibility that most grandmas don't have.
-- Edited by Dog Folks on Thursday 20th of February 2014 09:58:50 AM
mb36912 said
12:17 PM Feb 20, 2014
Sorry for your loss......my parents and grandparents passed away many years ago....but I still have my siblings, children and grandchildren (ages 2 & 4).
We are presently still working in Indiana but will be launching this summer and spending our first 2 months near them. Our children and grandchildren are presently 13 hours away in Norfolk, VA but we have managed to do a 3-day weekend with them every couple of months. The grandkids spend 1-2 weeks with us every summer, a few days around Christmas, and we talk on the phone weekly. We have read stories and sang lullabies to them at bedtime......all over the phone. I know it sounds goofy but you just won't care what anyone thinks when you find your grandkids want you to do stuff like that for them and with them.....we don't. You will be happy to walk to the grocery store a mile away while carrying them in a wheelbarrow, or on your back, or in a wagon. And it will do your heart good when they start calling you by clicking on your picture on their parents' cellphones......without their Mom and Dad knowing it. Without being able to see them, it is difficult to carry on a conversation, but we never turn down an opportunity to talk to them.
If you want it to happen, it will......and you will find the RV just might make it easier.
LibertyLinda said
06:06 PM Feb 20, 2014
Trace,
When my parents moved my sister and I away from our Grandparents, I was in 3rd-4th grade, and I developed a wonderful - and to this day- warm hearted memory of letter writing back and forth with her. I guess I cherished it because she passed away after several letters were exchanged. I know in this day of Skype and email and texting that sounds weird, but the joy of letter writing could be a gift from you to your grandchild.
I am sorry for the loss of your grandmother.
You will be guided as to what will work best for your situation.
Camper Chronicles said
09:04 PM Feb 20, 2014
Thank you all so very much. Lee and I both read them...they were such nice and thoughtful replies and lots of wisdom thrown in there. Plus it comes through that you actually care which means the world to me. I had a pretty tough day and came home to this which makes me feel so much better. I am truly grateful...thank you.
el Rojo and Pam said
07:34 AM Feb 21, 2014
Trace, Pam and I are very sorry for your loss. Our prayers are added to the ones above. This is a great family and I'm proud to be a part of it. As others have said, the mobility of this live style is the key to its freedom.
Red
PIEERE said
07:02 PM Feb 21, 2014
As others have said; losing a family member is difficult; My condolences to you. Congrats on the newest addition. The greatest about RVing you can visit anytime and with the internet and Cell Phones communications are so much easier then in earlier years!!
We all have to enjoy our days the best we can as time sure seems to fly!!! Read about me in the Rving with health and physical challenges section! i am still on this planet and I take one day at a time and try to enjoy every minute that passes by.
Most evry one on this forum you will find are very hearfelt and will be there for you as they have for me!!! PIEERE
WanderingWaits said
01:25 PM Feb 26, 2014
Trace, I so related to your post. My husband and I were preparing to go FT this summer. Just as we were shopping for our 5th wheel, we learned my 1st grandchild was going to be born. A few weeks before the baby arrived I too lost my mother. What an emotional swing for you, as it was for me.
I found a lot of people I spoke with I could put in 2 categories, 1- very supportive about our new life decision, or 2- instill guilt because they would share all the reasons I needed to be here with my grandchild.
After much turmoil and tears and adjusting, we are happy to say we are going to enjoy both. We are planning on being in Michigan and Illinois during the spring/summer months. This will give us times of living close to our new granddaughter for weeks at a time, after her 1st birthday on October 1, we will head out for warmer climates. We will make plans to fly back over the holiday for a visit. We enjoy Skype to see her when we cannot be close by.
Our kids are busy with their lives and understand that even if we were here, we would not be with them all the time. We are going to give this new life a honest attempt, if after a few years we decide to settle down again, so be it. I would rather get out and do this and decide to do something else later than look back 10 years from now and wish we had!!
We have done some special things to help with the grandbaby situation. For Christmas I asked the kids to have her baby pictures put on a blanket (shutter fly and snapfish or several others will do this) It is wonderful, I snuggle with our Zoe every night with my blanket! We also, gave Zoe a book that my husband and I recorded with our voices: so our kids play it for her and she knows our voices:) Hallmark has several of these books!
We may feel differently when she is older and in activities that we want to be at, but we will deal with that then. For now, they are always just a flight away, I suspect we will use our gas points for plane tickets:) And that is okay.
It is not about the amount of time we spend with each other, it is the quality of that time. I hope this encourages you, such a tough time.
I think this new life takes a little courage, but isn't that something we want for our children and grandchildren too. To live their dreams, what better way to teach them than for them to see us doing the same.
Marion and Rich "The Wandering Waits"
Michigan will be full time starting April 1, 2014
32 ft Heartland 5th wheel 2011
3500 Diesel Silverado 2014
Camper Chronicles said
08:43 AM Feb 28, 2014
WanderingWaits wrote:
We have done some special things to help with the grandbaby situation. For Christmas I asked the kids to have her baby pictures put on a blanket (shutter fly and snapfish or several others will do this) It is wonderful, I snuggle with our Zoe every night with my blanket! We also, gave Zoe a book that my husband and I recorded with our voices: so our kids play it for her and she knows our voices:) Hallmark has several of these books!...
I think this new life takes a little courage, but isn't that something we want for our children and grandchildren too. To live their dreams, what better way to teach them than for them to see us doing the same.
Marion and Rich "The Wandering Waits"
Michigan will be full time starting April 1, 2014
32 ft Heartland 5th wheel 2011
3500 Diesel Silverado 2014
Thanks Marion...I absolutely love the book idea. Reading outloud to my children was one of my favorite things. I appreciate the balance you have found and thanks so much for sharing.
Haven't posted for awhile...about 10 days ago my grandmother passed away and I went home to be with family and support my dad. Spent a ton of quality time with the larger extended family and talked a lot about our plans for full-timing and everyone was fascinated and incredibly supportive. It was nice feeling truly and I think something about her passing suddenly had everyone thinking about their futures and how they want to spend their remaining time, so under those circumstances they were actually more positive for the unconventional choice than they normally would have been.
So I get home feeling pretty good and my daughter calls and says she needs to talk..it's important. So tonight I found out I will be a grandmother for the first time. This daughter is 25 and lives in town with me and the baby is coming in October. We are scheduled to leave in January...so the good news is I will be here for the birth and the early weeks...the challenging part is I will not be the kind of grandmother mine was to me. I am feeling pretty conflicted and this is all really fresh, but since they aren't telling people for a little while longer I thought I would share my thoughts with my RV Dreams family.
I had two sets of grandparents...one was completely traditional (same small town, very involved in my life) the other set always traveled...heck they RV'd in a motor home for 3 years a long long time ago. My relationship with both sets was very strong in different ways, but my sister and brother (10 and 11 years younger than me) rarely know my rambling grandparents and have no connection with them at all. So although I am still incredibly committed to our plan, I now have a huge set of mixed emotions about how to be a grandmother on the road. I thought maybe I could get some feedback from those folks who have grandchildren and find out how they maintain a connection.
Please be gentle in your replies...it's been a crazy two weeks and I am feeling a little fragile :)
Thanks Trace
I am so sorry about your loss of your grandma. Of course you are feeling a little fragile! And that makes the idea of being far away from your own grand baby feel even more disappointing.
One thing that can really help is Skype. If they can see you when you talk to them on the phone, it helps to maintain the connection. My two grand babies live in another state and it took me a while to come to terms with the fact that I would not be able to be as involved in their lives as I would have liked. The first couple of years were hardest because they didn't remember me very well between visits. But once they get to be about 2-1/2 or 3 yrs old they definitely know who I am and remember me and love to talk to me on the phone, and greet me excitedly when I arrive for a visit.
I truly believe that we can establish a loving bond and healthy relationship with our grandchildren even if we aren't there all the time. It's the quality of the time with them, not the quantity :)
Please be kind to yourself during this time of grieving. My thoughts are with you.
Jo
Then to come home to such exciting news! Talk about conflict!
Congrat's on becoming a Grandmother!
I do not have grandchildren of my own yet. I do however have a great-niece and nephew who are the children of my niece (technically Bill's niece, not that it matters at all). She came to live with Bill and I back in 1997 when she was 15 years old. Her mother (Bill's sister) was no longer able to care for her (very long story) and so she moved from NJ to KY where we were living at the time. She got pregnant at 17 (while in NJ and visiting a friend) and had her daughter at 18 while she was living with us. Being the only mother figure she had (has - her mother passed in 2005), I was there for the entire pregnancy and birth and they lived with us for the first 18 months of her daughters life. The fact that she isn't "officially" my grandchild (or her brother who came later in 2004) doesn't take away from the love I have for them both. If you get to be in the room for the birth - WOW! That baby girl looked up at me before she was done being born - and my heart melted into mush.
Moving ahead - we now live in PA, they live in KS. Not very physically close at all. We talk on the phone all the time. We skype. We visit them, they visit us. Our first destination after the house sells will be to go see them. I would like to think that we will have so much more "quality" time together than we have now. Now visits are somewhat rushed b/c there are always schedules: school, work, airfares to consider. Bill and I have talked about bringing the kids with us on trips, flying them to us then driving them back or driving them with us then flying them back, something so they can come on part of our adventures. I miss them sometimes so much it physically hurts, but then I call and we catch up (or one time got on a plane) and then I am ok.
I am sure you will find your way to being the best grandma you can be, even considering, or even especially because you will be full-timing. Probably will be different than the relationship you had with your grandparents, but however it works out, I am SURE this new grand-baby and any future grand-babies will melt your heart and you will have no choice but to do whatever you need to do to insure they KNOW you and grandpa.
Peace be with you my friend, give yourself time - this is a lot at once!
Kelly
We also fly in for a few weeks in early June for the 5 YOs birthday and to visit. Also we flew in from Salt Lake for a long weekend for grandparents day at her school to surprise her. Like I told my wife when we started full timing last year we are only a flight away and we'll fly in whenever we want/need to.
But the parents in todays hectic world aren't like when we grew up. Our parents would drag us to visit our grandparents often. Kids nowadays expect the grandparents to come visit them, when they have the time. So things are different. When we still had the S&B we lived 1 mile from our granddaughter and saw her maybe once a week. They're just real busy like most of the other young parents.
But in 2 weeks we take her to Disneyworld for a few days!
On the sadder part of this we have had to come in for a couple funerals and unfortunately missed one this past year. So things do work out.
I can tell you from experience, it is tough not living where you can spoil the grand kids. Some of mine are in Colorado and some in Florida. Full-timing will bring us closer. We came to our current home for work. We have no social circle here or reason to stay. We are looking forward to spending more time with our family. The RV lets us spend months in each place whereas we would otherwise get a short week here and there.
Sorry for your loss.
Being on the road is actually better. No matter where your daughter's family may move., you can go and visit.
I know of a grandma that was talked into giving up her home in Florida, and moving back north, "to be close to the family." Within two years the family was scattered throughout the U.S. and she was alone again, this time in snow country.
With an RV that can't happen. You can always go to them. You have the flexibility that most grandmas don't have.
-- Edited by Dog Folks on Thursday 20th of February 2014 09:58:50 AM
We are presently still working in Indiana but will be launching this summer and spending our first 2 months near them. Our children and grandchildren are presently 13 hours away in Norfolk, VA but we have managed to do a 3-day weekend with them every couple of months. The grandkids spend 1-2 weeks with us every summer, a few days around Christmas, and we talk on the phone weekly. We have read stories and sang lullabies to them at bedtime......all over the phone. I know it sounds goofy but you just won't care what anyone thinks when you find your grandkids want you to do stuff like that for them and with them.....we don't. You will be happy to walk to the grocery store a mile away while carrying them in a wheelbarrow, or on your back, or in a wagon. And it will do your heart good when they start calling you by clicking on your picture on their parents' cellphones......without their Mom and Dad knowing it. Without being able to see them, it is difficult to carry on a conversation, but we never turn down an opportunity to talk to them.
If you want it to happen, it will......and you will find the RV just might make it easier.
Trace,
When my parents moved my sister and I away from our Grandparents, I was in 3rd-4th grade, and I developed a wonderful - and to this day- warm hearted memory of letter writing back and forth with her. I guess I cherished it because she passed away after several letters were exchanged. I know in this day of Skype and email and texting that sounds weird, but the joy of letter writing could be a gift from you to your grandchild.
I am sorry for the loss of your grandmother.
You will be guided as to what will work best for your situation.
Red
We all have to enjoy our days the best we can as time sure seems to fly!!! Read about me in the Rving with health and physical challenges section! i am still on this planet and I take one day at a time and try to enjoy every minute that passes by.
Most evry one on this forum you will find are very hearfelt and will be there for you as they have for me!!! PIEERE
Trace, I so related to your post. My husband and I were preparing to go FT this summer. Just as we were shopping for our 5th wheel, we learned my 1st grandchild was going to be born. A few weeks before the baby arrived I too lost my mother. What an emotional swing for you, as it was for me.
I found a lot of people I spoke with I could put in 2 categories, 1- very supportive about our new life decision, or 2- instill guilt because they would share all the reasons I needed to be here with my grandchild.
After much turmoil and tears and adjusting, we are happy to say we are going to enjoy both. We are planning on being in Michigan and Illinois during the spring/summer months. This will give us times of living close to our new granddaughter for weeks at a time, after her 1st birthday on October 1, we will head out for warmer climates. We will make plans to fly back over the holiday for a visit. We enjoy Skype to see her when we cannot be close by.
Our kids are busy with their lives and understand that even if we were here, we would not be with them all the time. We are going to give this new life a honest attempt, if after a few years we decide to settle down again, so be it. I would rather get out and do this and decide to do something else later than look back 10 years from now and wish we had!!
We have done some special things to help with the grandbaby situation. For Christmas I asked the kids to have her baby pictures put on a blanket (shutter fly and snapfish or several others will do this) It is wonderful, I snuggle with our Zoe every night with my blanket! We also, gave Zoe a book that my husband and I recorded with our voices: so our kids play it for her and she knows our voices:) Hallmark has several of these books!
We may feel differently when she is older and in activities that we want to be at, but we will deal with that then. For now, they are always just a flight away, I suspect we will use our gas points for plane tickets:) And that is okay.
It is not about the amount of time we spend with each other, it is the quality of that time. I hope this encourages you, such a tough time.
I think this new life takes a little courage, but isn't that something we want for our children and grandchildren too. To live their dreams, what better way to teach them than for them to see us doing the same.
Marion and Rich "The Wandering Waits"
Michigan will be full time starting April 1, 2014
32 ft Heartland 5th wheel 2011
3500 Diesel Silverado 2014
Thanks Marion...I absolutely love the book idea. Reading outloud to my children was one of my favorite things. I appreciate the balance you have found and thanks so much for sharing.