My daughter and I went down to the VA in Murfreesboro, Tn. last Tuesday. I finally had the courage and while she was here decided it was a good time to do an Advance Care Directive or living will. This gives her the final say if I am unable to make the decision to stay on life support. It took a few hours to get this done as the notary is a quite a hike across the VA grounds. Of course I decide to walk!
I need to go back and also set up my final resting spot in a VA Cemetery and a headstone. I also will have to make the service arrangements. Unfortunately; we all have to look at this very important aspect of life, because along with the responsibilities of living; it pertains to dying also.
Bill and Jodee said
04:56 PM Oct 22, 2013
Not pleasant but so important! Your daughter will appreciate the advance planning when the time comes. My parents and godparents made their arrangements and communicated their wishes in advance, and as an only child with all the responsibility I am so grateful that they did. Knowing without a doubt I did what they wanted and not having to worry about much of the paperwork and hassle....it made hard times so much easier.
Jodee
sologal said
04:46 AM Oct 24, 2013
Good for you Edward, your daughter will very much appreciate it when the time comes. You seem to be handling things very well and I hope you can continue to help others as you have been doing. I am new to the forum and I wanted you to know that I have read many many posts from you and it has helped a great deal, Thanks for the time you spend helping others fulfill their dream. Take care......deb
el Rojo and Pam said
01:50 PM Oct 24, 2013
This is hard to say and I hope it comes across right.
We lost Mom in Sept 2012 to Parkinsons. She was 91. She lived a very healthy life until about 87 yrs old.
Parkinsons attacks people differently, but with my Mom (at the end) she couldn't swallow hardly at all. So she couldn't nourish herself. She had many other side effects as well but not being able to eat was life threatening. During the last year she could no longer keep up at the bridge game and the invites fell away. I'm saying this to show her declining health. In her last year she had told us she was ready to go several times, of course we told our selves she was just having bad day. Towards the end while not eating at the nursing home she would decline and be sent to the ER and then hospitalized for a week on IV's to be fed. The Doc told us each time she came in there would be a lower "high". They suggested a feeding tube, but she had signed a living will stating no artificial means to stay alive when the quality of life would not be there in the future. This did two things for us. The doctors didn't pressure us to keep her alive even though she would be bed ridden and most importantly; she made the hard decision, and we didn't have to feel guilty about keeping her alive and bed ridden or letting her go. We know in our hearts she did the right thing but we will always miss her. Because she was kind enough to put her wishes in writing, we don't have to live with the guilt of the decision.
I'm in no way trying to tell you how to fill out a living will. I'm just suggesting you to do it for your loved ones.
Lucky Mike said
02:14 PM Oct 24, 2013
Living wills are a good means of saying what you need when you cant.......
When my life took a turn everything was placed in a trust and I was able to say where it all goes and how it will be given. I am a DNR..(Do Not Resuscitate) Patient and I didnt want my family to have to make a heartstring choice of what to do on that day when it comes. I also dont want a machine to keep me going that could do it for years on end and doing nothing but costing money and keeping me trapped in a world that I am not functionally going to be part of.
they should be filed thru an Attorney so that every aspect is covered and there will be no question as to your wishes. also it creates a means in which it bypasses Probate courts and your wishes start right away on that day
P.S if you happen to see me on a machine.....please unplug it....plug it back in , if I dont reset please follow the instructions I left!!!!!
PIEERE said
02:24 PM Oct 24, 2013
Already done! I have seen the effects of Alzheimer's with first my Mother when I was 11&1/2 to 16+ yrs. old when she finally succumbed to pneumonia. Also assisted a brother until he could no longer sustain his own hygiene and toilet duties. He spent 6 months in a skilled nursing home until he passed. A second brother and now a sister who is in special care.
There is no way I want either of my two daughters to have to go through the mental stress and grief I had to overcome. This is the most devastating; horrible and cruel disease that a caregiver family member has to face. I am a heart attack survivor and have CHF, Ischemia and cardiomyopathy damage and honestly hope if the time comes that my heart gives out first! Just my true feelings! PIEERE
WestWardHo said
05:21 PM Oct 24, 2013
When my Dad became a widower at 92, he had an attorney write a very tight trust, medical P of A, financial P of A for my brother, etc. He remarried shortly thereafter and was in and out of hospitals and hospice and dementia for 5 years. In the interim his wife had him change his trust, P of A's etc. We consulted an attorney and our only option was to force a psychiatric evaluation and have him declared incompetent. We couldn't bring ourselves to put him thru that even though he was a vulnerable adult, he still had competent periods and was a very dignified man. The most difficult part for me was she also greatly limited my contact with him in his final years and I had moved to Arizona to be near him.
My daughter and I went down to the VA in Murfreesboro, Tn. last Tuesday. I finally had the courage and while she was here decided it was a good time to do an Advance Care Directive or living will. This gives her the final say if I am unable to make the decision to stay on life support. It took a few hours to get this done as the notary is a quite a hike across the VA grounds. Of course I decide to walk!
Not pleasant but so important! Your daughter will appreciate the advance planning when the time comes. My parents and godparents made their arrangements and communicated their wishes in advance, and as an only child with all the responsibility I am so grateful that they did. Knowing without a doubt I did what they wanted and not having to worry about much of the paperwork and hassle....it made hard times so much easier.
Jodee
We lost Mom in Sept 2012 to Parkinsons. She was 91. She lived a very healthy life until about 87 yrs old.
Parkinsons attacks people differently, but with my Mom (at the end) she couldn't swallow hardly at all. So she couldn't nourish herself. She had many other side effects as well but not being able to eat was life threatening. During the last year she could no longer keep up at the bridge game and the invites fell away. I'm saying this to show her declining health. In her last year she had told us she was ready to go several times, of course we told our selves she was just having bad day. Towards the end while not eating at the nursing home she would decline and be sent to the ER and then hospitalized for a week on IV's to be fed. The Doc told us each time she came in there would be a lower "high". They suggested a feeding tube, but she had signed a living will stating no artificial means to stay alive when the quality of life would not be there in the future. This did two things for us. The doctors didn't pressure us to keep her alive even though she would be bed ridden and most importantly; she made the hard decision, and we didn't have to feel guilty about keeping her alive and bed ridden or letting her go. We know in our hearts she did the right thing but we will always miss her. Because she was kind enough to put her wishes in writing, we don't have to live with the guilt of the decision.
I'm in no way trying to tell you how to fill out a living will. I'm just suggesting you to do it for your loved ones.
Living wills are a good means of saying what you need when you cant.......
When my life took a turn everything was placed in a trust and I was able to say where it all goes and how it will be given. I am a DNR..(Do Not Resuscitate) Patient and I didnt want my family to have to make a heartstring choice of what to do on that day when it comes. I also dont want a machine to keep me going that could do it for years on end and doing nothing but costing money and keeping me trapped in a world that I am not functionally going to be part of.
they should be filed thru an Attorney so that every aspect is covered and there will be no question as to your wishes. also it creates a means in which it bypasses Probate courts and your wishes start right away on that day
P.S if you happen to see me on a machine.....please unplug it....plug it back in , if I dont reset please follow the instructions I left!!!!!
There is no way I want either of my two daughters to have to go through the mental stress and grief I had to overcome. This is the most devastating; horrible and cruel disease that a caregiver family member has to face. I am a heart attack survivor and have CHF, Ischemia and cardiomyopathy damage and honestly hope if the time comes that my heart gives out first! Just my true feelings! PIEERE
We're in the process of completing our own.
Sherry