I am 31 and going through a bit of a life-crisis.I have a good job that I’ve been in since college graduation ten years ago.I love to travel and really want to be free of the constraints of traditional living/working and being beholden to a boss.Job security is an illusion to me.My dad worked 40 years in his career, only to watch his factory close down.Luckily, he was close enough to retirement to take SS and my mom has a nice income.He was an amazing provider but I watched this job break him down physically in the prime of his life.
I have been with the love of my life a little over a year and a half now.We have had many discussions about our future.Like me, he is a wanderer at heart.In a year, we have gone on four road trip/backpacking adventures to Canada, Scotland, Tennessee, and Western Maryland.He often lacks the confidence in himself that he is capable of extraordinary things.For all of these trips, he’s reluctant as if these things aren’t possible and I’m the one saying, “why not” and “let’s make it happen”.
From reading your posts, I realize RV living is far from easy or comfortable, but then, in my mind, neither is “traditional” living.It’s just this is what everyone does so it appears more secure.In my mind, the benefits of RV-living outweigh the benefits of traditional-living.
I think we would make a happy life on the road together, chucking the traditional road map of career, marriage, house, kids.He is still convinced that owning a house is a requirement in life and I’m not begrudging him.Though, there is a part of me that believes he only wants it because he’s “supposed” to want it.He hates the idea of yardwork, is not handy, is not materialistic/doesn’t like to spend money on “unnecessary” things.
I guess my question is, how do I open him up to considering that living in an RV can be just as good?I realize he may not agree after hearing all the info but I at least want him to be open to it as an alternative.
Has anyone else had to bring a reluctant companion on board with the idea?Anyone wish they had started sooner?Anyone regret choosing this lifestyle?Am I crazy and/or selfish to even try to convince him?
Sorry for the long post and thanks for any, experiences, insights and advice!
Lucky Mike said
09:34 PM Oct 14, 2013
I would suggest maybe setting a time frame to try it.....But dont try to Convince him .
folivier said
12:06 PM Oct 15, 2013
You're in pretty much uncharted waters. Most people look at fulltiming once they retire. But there are a growing number of younger couples that are fulltiming. We've met a few on our travels and they all seem happy and glad they are doing it. Remember nothing is forever! You can change your plans whenever you want. If you're not "trapped" in any location by either family or jobs then the whole country (world!) is open to you.
Check out this site for info: www.nurvers.com
Try it first. Your first rv doesn't have to be your ultimate machine, buy a cheaper smaller unit and try it for a few months. If you like the lifestyle then you can move into a nicer, larger or smaller unit. If not then it will make a nice way for a weekend getaway or vacations. Good luck and have fun.
SnowGypsy said
12:51 PM Oct 15, 2013
You mention the house, marriage and children and I couldn't help but wonder if a lot of this issue revolves around that rather than whether or not to full-time RV. It appears you are a sort of free spirit and he is more traditional. You obviously want radically different lifestyles. Many people don't have the desire for "extraordinary" in their lives and, yes, I don't understand them either. Any problems/issues you have in your current lifestyle will follow you to the next and the next. He likes to travel but wants a traditional life to return to after the break. If he isn't "handy", would you be doing all the RV maintenance yourself? When full-timing, someone has to stay on top of that. I also wonder what kind of work he would be doing on the road. I guess it comes down to whether you have done the homework and really looked at life on the road and whether he has also. There is a line where even compromise entails sacrificing one's dreams and it isn't worth it if it feels like you are sacrificing yourself.
el Rojo and Pam said
02:10 PM Oct 15, 2013
IMO I wouldn't bring a reluctant SO into the small confinement of an RV. I would however try to spend longer vacations (2 - 3 weeks) in an RV. It may take a while for him to feel comfortable with the idea.
Another thing, when I was 30, I had to keep up with the Jones'. I guess men have to prove their "self-worth" to the world "or the neighbors actually". Now I could care less how people view me in relation to the Jones'. I prefer to be viewed as a happy, caring neighbor in the RV community "yeah I know, I've got a lot of work to do". Lets face it, most women mature faster then men.
Most of us here have this dream or desire so it's hard to picture someone without it. But if it was for everyone the RV parks would be full all the time. This life style goes against the main stream's thinking. Taking small steps may bring him around to our way of thinking.
Red
French Bikers said
01:44 AM Oct 16, 2013
The other members took the words out of my mouth. I don't have specific advice to give but if you really want to live such a lifestyle you either go by yourself or you wait and try to make it a dream as a couple in a few years.
In my case I've been dreaming of hitting the road since I was 20 years old but I couldn't do it for the same reason you have mentionned, work, kids, house, etc.. but alomg all those years I kept the dream alive in my mind. Many years ago I started to talk to my wife about fulltiming when we retired, at the beginning the answer was no way. After I took her to her first RV Show she started to think about it. We were planning to retire in 2018 and hit the road fulltime in a class A with our motorcycles. Few months ago we started to talk about early retirement but we were not sure to take the decision. We went to the Hershey RV show last september after the first day we took the decision to leave in september 2015 or sooner. Two years of final preparation should be suffiscient to organize the new lifestyle.
To answer your question if I would have done it earlier, my answer will probably be yes after spending a couple months on the road. It is easy to answer after the fact but to be honnest I would have missed good things that happened in my life. I would say that in life everything is about time and I don't regret the time I've been waiting to have the dream come through, I'll be only 52 still in good health and free of debt with no obligation to work for living.
Take you time in life one step at a time, I agree with Mike, try to find a time frame and make it as a futur goal or objective to achieve as a couple.
Good Luck
Airplane Guy said
03:42 AM Oct 16, 2013
Im in the same boat......my SO says no way. She thinks she needs a house to come home to after being gone a few days. She can't see that you are home in an RV. Time will tell if she changes her mind.
Dog Folks said
03:24 PM Oct 16, 2013
It might help to consider not making a "full" commitment and jumping into the lifestyle 100%.
You have to do what is comfortable for you, as a couple.
Maybe 6 months of travel and 6 months of "home."
I guarantee this: Full time travel is always changing, and evolving. As time the lifestyle will change so that goes on your SO may like it more and more, at that point, you can travel more and more.
Technomadia said
05:24 PM Oct 16, 2013
Greetings and welcome!
My sweetie and I hit the road together when we were both 33 - and are still at it, and loving it, 7 years later. And we've met a lot of others hitting the road at all sorts of ages.
For us, we met first. Chris had just hit the road solo, and that was part of what attracted me to him. So we didn't have the challenge you're facing now, as pursuing our individual wanderlust was part of our bonding - our entire relationship has been on the road.
But we have met, and are close friends with, others who did start with a reluctant spouse, and they gave it a try with mixed results. Some thrived, some made it a shorter term journey, or a part time lifestyle. Some even ended up ending their relationships when travel helped them realized much more quickly how misaligned in life in general they were.
Fact of the matter is, until it's something you both want - it can be a difficult journey. If you relent and stay stationary to continue your life with him, then you may build up resentment for that decision, or even towards him. If he relents and gives it a try when he really doesn't want to, he could build up resentment towards it too.
Some folks split it - and one partner sets off solo part time, coming 'home' every so often or the other meeting up with them on the road. But this does change the relationship, and should be very consciously navigated.
So one thing I don't think you mentioned specifically yet is, have you opened up this conversation with him in your talks of the future? Has he already flat out shot the idea down, or have you just been timid to even bring it up? Based on your description of how he handled past smaller adventures, it sounds like he may be the type that needs to let an idea sink in first for a while and actually get out there doing it.
So first step... open the lines of communication on this. 'Hey honey, look at these people I found traveling all over in RVs.. that sounds like a great lifestyle! Looks, there's even these NuRVers - many of them are working on the road!'. Gauge his reaction, and get him involved in doing the research with you. Keep the lines of communication open without pressuring him that you 'must' do this to be happy... until that really is your stance and you're ready to accept the possibility that you'll be setting off solo.
If he seems open, highly recommend getting involved with NuRVers and going deeper in your research and getting a feel for the lifestyle for us younger folks. Here's some resources we can offer:
And we have a video interview series where about 20 (so far, and growing) talk about their life on the road. Some even having gone through the 'convincing the spouse' thing. Here's the series: www.technomadia.com/ramblings
If it's the logistical challenges that are his 'excuse' (ie. how to earn an income, get your mail, afford it, pets, family, healthcare, etc.), forums like these are great for finding solutions, and we have a blog series that addressees them: www.technomadia.com/excuses
I do caution you tho, if you have any hope of getting on him on board with this - don't jump too far ahead of him. If this is something you really want, keep communication open and keep this present in your talks about the future.
Wishing you all the best.. and if there's anything we can help with, just let us know.
- Cherie
Racerguy said
11:51 PM Oct 16, 2013
The secret to a successful relationship is communication.Sit him down and discuss your feelings with him and in turn listen to his feelings about it. Keep the communications open until you come to a solution.
Future Fulltimers said
03:57 PM Oct 24, 2013
We have a similar situation of one of us more intense on full-timing than the other. I would love to sell it all and go full-timing, but wife is not ready to give up the home and move from the area. I will be retiring in 2014 and she will probably be working another year after that because 1)she is a couple years younger and, 2), she likes her job. She is nervous enough about the whole retirement situation with no job. Told her that retirement is not "no job" just "being occupied on your own terms". I already have started other part-time income producing projects to supplement our nest egg and keep me from going out of my mind. Thus the topic moved from the dramatic "sell it all and move onto the road" to a series of longer-term part-timing trips and she is open to that. She recognize that we love it on the road and traveling, she just needs that lifeline. Thus for us, it will be a series of steps, as we have all our life, but as long as we are stepping together. And maybe full-timing later on.
Steve
-- Edited by Future Fulltimers on Thursday 24th of October 2013 03:59:35 PM
Regit99 said
06:41 PM Oct 24, 2013
wow! I am glad I read this thread. First off, Cherie, thanks for some really interesting links here. My husband and I are both 32 and are having a bit of a life "crisis" as well. We have stable well-paying jobs, great educations, and a house, which is wonderful. We both arent really looking to have children so now we are kind of like "now what??????". This is complicated by the fact that we connect SO well when we are out in our RV and on those once -to-twice a year vacations that allow you to be yourself and unplug from this crazy world.
Hi all,
I am 31 and going through a bit of a life-crisis. I have a good job that I’ve been in since college graduation ten years ago. I love to travel and really want to be free of the constraints of traditional living/working and being beholden to a boss. Job security is an illusion to me. My dad worked 40 years in his career, only to watch his factory close down. Luckily, he was close enough to retirement to take SS and my mom has a nice income. He was an amazing provider but I watched this job break him down physically in the prime of his life.
I have been with the love of my life a little over a year and a half now. We have had many discussions about our future. Like me, he is a wanderer at heart. In a year, we have gone on four road trip/backpacking adventures to Canada, Scotland, Tennessee, and Western Maryland. He often lacks the confidence in himself that he is capable of extraordinary things. For all of these trips, he’s reluctant as if these things aren’t possible and I’m the one saying, “why not” and “let’s make it happen”.
From reading your posts, I realize RV living is far from easy or comfortable, but then, in my mind, neither is “traditional” living. It’s just this is what everyone does so it appears more secure. In my mind, the benefits of RV-living outweigh the benefits of traditional-living.
I think we would make a happy life on the road together, chucking the traditional road map of career, marriage, house, kids. He is still convinced that owning a house is a requirement in life and I’m not begrudging him. Though, there is a part of me that believes he only wants it because he’s “supposed” to want it. He hates the idea of yardwork, is not handy, is not materialistic/doesn’t like to spend money on “unnecessary” things.
I guess my question is, how do I open him up to considering that living in an RV can be just as good? I realize he may not agree after hearing all the info but I at least want him to be open to it as an alternative.
Has anyone else had to bring a reluctant companion on board with the idea? Anyone wish they had started sooner? Anyone regret choosing this lifestyle? Am I crazy and/or selfish to even try to convince him?
Sorry for the long post and thanks for any, experiences, insights and advice!
Check out this site for info: www.nurvers.com
Try it first. Your first rv doesn't have to be your ultimate machine, buy a cheaper smaller unit and try it for a few months. If you like the lifestyle then you can move into a nicer, larger or smaller unit. If not then it will make a nice way for a weekend getaway or vacations. Good luck and have fun.
Another thing, when I was 30, I had to keep up with the Jones'. I guess men have to prove their "self-worth" to the world "or the neighbors actually". Now I could care less how people view me in relation to the Jones'. I prefer to be viewed as a happy, caring neighbor in the RV community "yeah I know, I've got a lot of work to do". Lets face it, most women mature faster then men.
Most of us here have this dream or desire so it's hard to picture someone without it. But if it was for everyone the RV parks would be full all the time. This life style goes against the main stream's thinking. Taking small steps may bring him around to our way of thinking.
Red
The other members took the words out of my mouth. I don't have specific advice to give but if you really want to live such a lifestyle you either go by yourself or you wait and try to make it a dream as a couple in a few years.
In my case I've been dreaming of hitting the road since I was 20 years old but I couldn't do it for the same reason you have mentionned, work, kids, house, etc.. but alomg all those years I kept the dream alive in my mind. Many years ago I started to talk to my wife about fulltiming when we retired, at the beginning the answer was no way. After I took her to her first RV Show she started to think about it. We were planning to retire in 2018 and hit the road fulltime in a class A with our motorcycles. Few months ago we started to talk about early retirement but we were not sure to take the decision. We went to the Hershey RV show last september after the first day we took the decision to leave in september 2015 or sooner. Two years of final preparation should be suffiscient to organize the new lifestyle.
To answer your question if I would have done it earlier, my answer will probably be yes after spending a couple months on the road. It is easy to answer after the fact but to be honnest I would have missed good things that happened in my life. I would say that in life everything is about time and I don't regret the time I've been waiting to have the dream come through, I'll be only 52 still in good health and free of debt with no obligation to work for living.
Take you time in life one step at a time, I agree with Mike, try to find a time frame and make it as a futur goal or objective to achieve as a couple.
Good Luck
Im in the same boat......my SO says no way. She thinks she needs a house to come home to after being gone a few days. She can't see that you are home in an RV. Time will tell if she changes her mind.
You have to do what is comfortable for you, as a couple.
Maybe 6 months of travel and 6 months of "home."
I guarantee this: Full time travel is always changing, and evolving. As time the lifestyle will change so that goes on your SO may like it more and more, at that point, you can travel more and more.
My sweetie and I hit the road together when we were both 33 - and are still at it, and loving it, 7 years later. And we've met a lot of others hitting the road at all sorts of ages.
For us, we met first. Chris had just hit the road solo, and that was part of what attracted me to him. So we didn't have the challenge you're facing now, as pursuing our individual wanderlust was part of our bonding - our entire relationship has been on the road.
But we have met, and are close friends with, others who did start with a reluctant spouse, and they gave it a try with mixed results. Some thrived, some made it a shorter term journey, or a part time lifestyle. Some even ended up ending their relationships when travel helped them realized much more quickly how misaligned in life in general they were.
Fact of the matter is, until it's something you both want - it can be a difficult journey. If you relent and stay stationary to continue your life with him, then you may build up resentment for that decision, or even towards him. If he relents and gives it a try when he really doesn't want to, he could build up resentment towards it too.
Some folks split it - and one partner sets off solo part time, coming 'home' every so often or the other meeting up with them on the road. But this does change the relationship, and should be very consciously navigated.
Here's a blog post we wrote that addresses relationships and perpetual travel that you might find interesting: www.technomadia.com/2012/07/chapter-8-nomadic-romance-sex-relationships/
So one thing I don't think you mentioned specifically yet is, have you opened up this conversation with him in your talks of the future? Has he already flat out shot the idea down, or have you just been timid to even bring it up? Based on your description of how he handled past smaller adventures, it sounds like he may be the type that needs to let an idea sink in first for a while and actually get out there doing it.
So first step... open the lines of communication on this. 'Hey honey, look at these people I found traveling all over in RVs.. that sounds like a great lifestyle! Looks, there's even these NuRVers - many of them are working on the road!'. Gauge his reaction, and get him involved in doing the research with you. Keep the lines of communication open without pressuring him that you 'must' do this to be happy... until that really is your stance and you're ready to accept the possibility that you'll be setting off solo.
If he seems open, highly recommend getting involved with NuRVers and going deeper in your research and getting a feel for the lifestyle for us younger folks. Here's some resources we can offer:
We have links to dozens of blogs written by 'younger RVers' at: www.technomadia.com/young-full-time-rving-nomads/
And we have a video interview series where about 20 (so far, and growing) talk about their life on the road. Some even having gone through the 'convincing the spouse' thing. Here's the series: www.technomadia.com/ramblings
If it's the logistical challenges that are his 'excuse' (ie. how to earn an income, get your mail, afford it, pets, family, healthcare, etc.), forums like these are great for finding solutions, and we have a blog series that addressees them: www.technomadia.com/excuses
I do caution you tho, if you have any hope of getting on him on board with this - don't jump too far ahead of him. If this is something you really want, keep communication open and keep this present in your talks about the future.
Wishing you all the best.. and if there's anything we can help with, just let us know.
- Cherie
We have a similar situation of one of us more intense on full-timing than the other. I would love to sell it all and go full-timing, but wife is not ready to give up the home and move from the area. I will be retiring in 2014 and she will probably be working another year after that because 1)she is a couple years younger and, 2), she likes her job. She is nervous enough about the whole retirement situation with no job. Told her that retirement is not "no job" just "being occupied on your own terms". I already have started other part-time income producing projects to supplement our nest egg and keep me from going out of my mind. Thus the topic moved from the dramatic "sell it all and move onto the road" to a series of longer-term part-timing trips and she is open to that. She recognize that we love it on the road and traveling, she just needs that lifeline. Thus for us, it will be a series of steps, as we have all our life, but as long as we are stepping together. And maybe full-timing later on.
Steve
-- Edited by Future Fulltimers on Thursday 24th of October 2013 03:59:35 PM
wow! I am glad I read this thread. First off, Cherie, thanks for some really interesting links here. My husband and I are both 32 and are having a bit of a life "crisis" as well. We have stable well-paying jobs, great educations, and a house, which is wonderful. We both arent really looking to have children so now we are kind of like "now what??????". This is complicated by the fact that we connect SO well when we are out in our RV and on those once -to-twice a year vacations that allow you to be yourself and unplug from this crazy world.