BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
WINDOWS -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use.
RVDude said
08:59 PM Oct 9, 2008
That's the most accurate reporting I have seen yet! Thanks....
macattack said
09:41 PM Oct 9, 2008
Hit the nail right on the head.
thebearII said
08:57 AM Oct 10, 2008
I saw a financial planner on a talk show and he said that he and his wife have over $60,000 in credit card debt. His business is to tell people how to spend their money and can't even handle his own.
This new terminology helped brighten my morning....
-- Edited by thebearII at 10:00, 2008-10-10
phyllen said
12:50 PM Oct 10, 2008
My financial planner just called. I guess he wanted to see if I jumped out of any skyscrapers, etc. Even though I retire in 4 months, I am still hanging tight. But you bet when the market rebounds, I will move a higher percentage into more secure investments.
And it will rebound - it always does. I just hope I live long enough to see it.
retiredsailor said
06:59 PM Oct 10, 2008
I needed that tonight. Hope you don't mind but I sent these definitions out to a lot of my friends. But more importantly as hard as it is don't sweat the small stuff and it's all small stuff. We all need a good laugh during these trying times. There is more truth to some of those definitions than I care to think about.
CEO
--Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO
-- Corporate Fraud Officer.
BULL MARKET
-- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET
-- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
VALUE INVESTING
-- The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO
-- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER
-- What my broker has made me.
STANDARD & POOR
-- Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST
-- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT
-- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
FINANCIAL PLANNER
-- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
MARKET CORRECTION
-- The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW
-- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
YAHOO
-- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
WINDOWS
-- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR
-- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
PROFIT
-- An archaic word no longer in use.
This new terminology helped brighten my morning....
-- Edited by thebearII at 10:00, 2008-10-10
I needed that tonight. Hope you don't mind but I sent these definitions out to a lot of my friends. But more importantly as hard as it is don't sweat the small stuff and it's all small stuff. We all need a good laugh during these trying times. There is more truth to some of those definitions than I care to think about.