I'm starting a new Topic here under Linda's Campfire in the hopes some of you ladies are or having or have had the same problem I'm having regarding our children and grandchildren.
We are not fulltiming now...in fact are still in the process of making that BIG decision...but today while "chatting" with my spouse, I mentioned something about Florida being our "home base" and that we'd plan on hunkering down somewhere in Florida for the winter months and plan on traveling during the other 9 months as our daughter (age 36), son-in-law, and 4 grandchildren (ages: 11 (girl), 9(boy), 7(boy), & 5(boy)) moved down here last spring, from Michigan, and are only 3 hours from us. We moved down here in November, 2005 from Michigan, after retiring, never dreaming that the poor economy in Michigan would force them to move down here also just to find work (son-in-law in constructio).
Anyhow...my husband looked at me and said, "I knew you'd have trouble leaving the grandchildren...I don't want to do this with the idea we HAVE to come back to Florida every winter because of "THE GRANDCHILDREN"... I want to go to Texas one year and Arizona one year..." Well, one thing said led to another and he said, "....maybe we should not do this if YOU are still tied to the kids and grandkids...I knew this was going to be a problem..."
I REALLY want to do this fulltime thing. We both are wanderlusts and love to see and do new things, but how could I NOT know that I was going to see our daughter and grandchildren for a few months every year? I think he's trying to put me on a guilt trip...which I don't like...and dump the whole decision in MY lap!! I know I'd love the fulltime lifestyle as I'm not really a "house or stuff" kind of person...I don't get attached to "things"...if you know what I mean, but I AM attached to my children and grandchildren...especially my one and only granddaughter. Their paternal grandmother passed away a few months ago and our granddaughter would be emotionally devastated if she thought she was losing me too.
He did say, "there ARE airplanes ya know" eluding to the fact that we could fly back here...but I know from all the number crunching he's been doing that there just wouldn't be a lot of extra money for air flights.
I know there are some men who feel the same way I do, but I think mostly it's the Moms and Grandmoms who have these feelings.
I guess I'm just looking for that shoulder to lean/cry on and to see if anyone out there had the same type of conversation or reservations before really pulling the plug? If so, I'd like to hear from you.
I even had dreams of being able to take the grandkids with us on short trips when we came back to Florida.
Any suggestions on how to handle this without giving up "our" dream????
We also have a son who lives in NJ & NYC. He's single but has a long time girlfriend and I'm sure some day they'll marry and, hopefully, have children, but right now at age 26...he's just living life to the fullest and having FUN himself and could care less where we are. He's saying to us, "go for it...sounds like a lot of fun...like when we were in boating..."
Am I over reacting? Am I crazy? Should I ditch the dream?
Georgia said
04:56 PM Feb 18, 2007
Hi Janenne, I sympathize with you. My DH will retire in about 1 1/2 yrs, we'll travel eight to nine months a year. We decided we wanted to be near our daughter and family so will have a homebase in TX. I guess our difference is we won't be fulltimers, but parttimers with some sort of homebase. I would find it very difficult to not see my grandchild, take her on trips, and watch her grow. Luckily, my DH feels the same. Hopefully, you will come to some sort of compromise, as the fulltime lifestyle from what I uynderstand is very satisfying and rewarding. Then again, grandchildren grow so fast, don't they! Georgia
Ken & Sarah said
07:36 PM Feb 18, 2007
I'm not a grandmother but I have the same situation brewing with my wife. We have four grandchildren in three different states. Keeping in touch will be somewhat of a problem. That is why I purchased web cams for everyone. Now we can see the children and grandchildren, it isn't quite the same but it adds to the pleasure when talking with them. You will need satilitte internet to have the speed you need to reduce the choppiness of the connection. Good luck in your endeavors, we hope to be full timing in a couple years.
Dan and Gail said
07:12 AM Feb 19, 2007
We too have had the same discussion about grandchildren AND children. One daughter and her family live about an hour from us and we see them at least twice a month. We saw them much oftener when the grandchildren were younger. They are now 18, 16 and 10. We currently live in Illinois.
Our problem has been with getting to see the new babies in Seattle and Texas. We are on our way back home now from visiting the 2 year old and 3 month old in Texas.
We have a budget category entitled "Grandchildren airfare" to help pay for plane tickets for them to come spend some time with us. The 10 year old granddaughter already has her plans made for summer of 2008. (We begin fulltiming this fall or winter)
We are really looking forward to spending a couple of months near Seattle or McKinney, Texas so we can spend more time with them. We also all have webcams and just about wear them out each weekend.
We will also soon have "step" grandchildren in Columbus, OH so we'll have another place to spend more time.
We have decided that as we crisscross the country, we'll be making stops along the way to visit family. We are a very close family even though we live miles apart. We'll continue to have annual medical and dental checkups in Illinois so that will facilitate visiting that family, and fortunately the 18 year old will be attending the University of Illinois so we'll be able to see him. He also wants to spend some time with us in Utah or Idaho.
Our grandchildren and children have been very supportive of our decision and all 5 children and their spouses are looking forward to meeting up with us along the road.
Dan and Gail
Doncat said
09:20 AM Feb 19, 2007
I think most all of us that are considering the fulltime lifestyle have had concerns about "leaving family behind". My wife and I have discussed it and decided that first of all we need to quit thinking of it as "leaving family behind". We will never hit the road and just leave them behind. Part of the lifestyle that is so appealing to us is the ability to just go where we want, when we want. We plan to be with our family when we want or need to and be on the beach somewhere when we want. In our case, the traveling part of the lifestyle is part of the adventure (we love to travel).
Also one thing I have come to learn about grands is that as they grow older, they tend to want to spend less time with grandparents and more time having fun living their own lives.
One last thing, we have told all three of our kids they need to have hookups for our RV at their houses for us....
GBY..................... Don and Cheryl
Fly Buoy V said
09:57 AM Feb 19, 2007
OK, I'm beginning to feel a little better since I'm learning I'm not alone with these feelings and seeing that there are some options...ie; webcams. Keep the thoughts and ideas coming. We're meeting with a Realtor in a few hours!!!
TheBobGuy said
10:17 AM Feb 19, 2007
Hi Janenne!
Most mothers must think alike! I think I mentioned to you in an email that this is one of my concerns about "traveling" and I don't even have grandchildren yet!! This was one of the things that I thought I would ask your opinion of, since you have grandchildren and are planning to travel. I just know that if my only daughter has a child I will need to be there. Of course, she also told me that they will have a bedroom just for me to stay at least three months because she will need my help!!
At any rate, it is truly a concern; weighing our desires to finally go & do the things we've worked so hard to be able to do, and then possibly not "being there" if you're needed. And I also really want to be a real "grandma" if I am blessed to get any grandchildren. My mother was a wonderful gramma to my daughter and I want to be so for mine! I was a busy working mom while my Tiff was growing up so maybe I can enjoy it if I get to be a gramma.
So, my thinking is that we will plan to travel, yet plan our travel to be able to take the MH to their home and park, so we can stay close by for some periods of time as needed or wanted, and to do so frequently. I was hoping you could shed some light on those issues!
It will be interesting to hear the responses of the "grammas" on here! So all of you grammas, help us out and tell us how you handle this one! Thanks in advance! & thanks Janenne for posting this question! (I can't wait to meet you!) Molly
Luvglass said
12:22 PM Feb 19, 2007
Hi, I had the same problem when we decided to take on this lifestyle. I had been minding my now 4 year old grand daughter for 2 days a week, 10 hour days, for over 2 years. We had become extremely close.
We've managed to see her for a week or 2, three times last year with 2 visits back home and a family reunion on the east coast last summer. We augment that with frequent phone calls. At the age of 3 she learned to dial the phone and calls me whenever she wants, for a few minute call, and then her attention span goes to the next thing that catches her eye. It's a great way to keep close though.
I just flew back to Milwaukee last weekend and brought her back with me to San Diego for a 10 day vacation. Needless to say we'll make the most of it. It's not the best solution, but it works for me, and allows us to enjoy this wonderful lifestyle.
It's a tough decision, that only you can make.
I must say, I don't think your husband is being unfair. Actually I think he's being very supportive, being willing to give up something he apparently looks forward to, if you're not going to be happy.
Good luck with whatever you decide,
Fred
Joan On The Road said
02:16 AM Feb 22, 2007
We did not hit the road fulltime until our grands were older teens. The youngest of 7 was 14 yrs. It would have been hard for me to leave younger ones...like preschool or early years. One grand had serious health problems that were in remission and one daughter was newly married after a nasty divorce. I could not have left if those situations were ongoing.
So we hit the road and then went back to CA to be with kids/grands for the first year. In 2004 we decided to try Florida for Christmas. It was not too bad but I was a bit "down" during the holidays. 2005 brought us our first great grandson who lives in CA. So we'll be back here for the winter holidays for a few years.
There's a lot to see and do in the wonderful huge country but family beats it all. Our mode of life allows us to spend a bit of time each year with kids, parents, aunties and cousins in all parts of the country. For now....it's CA for the winter holidays.
If you both truly love the travel, new things, pursuing the dream idea ...then go for it! Nothing is forever and you'll never know unless you try. Take a really long trip...4-5 months and see how it goes for you. How much you miss the family.
Bottom line is that you can be flexible. You can celebrate Christmas in July in Montana :) This is what's working for us now ....who knows what the next year will bring. Whatever you decide you can always change. And if you get really lonely you can move across country pretty fast if the need arises.
Janjanjan said
01:08 PM Feb 26, 2007
We have a similar issue, and we're just part-timers. All our married lives, we'd known that we would retire further south than Chicago which is where we raised our kids and spent 32 years of our 39 years together. In 2000, we moved to Atlanta for my job, even after saying for 20 years we'd never do that. We spent 5 years there, and when we got close to retirement, began looking for a permanent home base.
We ended up in Nashville, which works well for its central location and because we have one son and family nearby. My other two sons and their families are tied to Chicago, and I'm quite certain that they will spend most of their lives there. Just our luck--we've got wanderlust and have kids who have grown very long roots.
When we retired, our general plan was to travel 4-5 months a year, being gone during at least the January, February winter, and the heat of summer. Of course, that "Plan" has a bunch of holes. Many places and things we want to see are best seen in spring and fall, which just happens to be when Nashville is perfect. Plus, we now have 3 grandchildren and six other close family members in Chicago with February birthdays and they really want us there to celebrate with them. And, for the first time in the 6 homes we've owned, we've found close neighborhood friends and have gotten very involved in the community. So, we find ourselves with significant ties to two communities.
The good news is that we have many years of retirement and good travel ahead of us. We can do almost anything we want, almost anytime we want. If we happen to be gone for 3 months at a time, or happen to stay home longer than planned, that's just the way it goes, plan or no plan.
One thing we did decide is that we will plan on visiting Chicago every summer on our way wherever we happen to be going on our extended summer trip. We found a place to camp near the city that works for us, and staying a couple of weeks gives us a chance to have very relaxed and extended visits with the entire family. This may change in time, but at this stage in the family life, it works. We also spend Christmas together in Chicago, and plan to celebrate the numerous February birthdays in the family with a road trip in mid-March. I'm sure that may change as grandkids grow older, but for now, it's great.
Travel is important and our personal lives are important, but if we put forth a bit of effort, we can have that and still have the close family relationships that mean so much to us.
bjtca said
10:43 AM Mar 2, 2007
Hi As the daughter of loving parents who went fultiming a few years ago untill mom's health forced them to stay put. RIP MOM. I missed my parents but understood it made them very happy. They had fun adventures sent postcard back to my brother and I and the kids. took each child with seperatly on vacation during the summer months. The kids still yack it up about those mini vacations with mama and papa. I talked to my mom no less than I had when she lived just down the road and it seemed we had more to talk about because she was living life for herself instead of us. So take heart that distance does make the heart grow fonder. You can make it work simply because its impotant to you.
Here4Now said
10:22 PM Mar 2, 2007
I have a question about the web cams referenced in several of your responses. Does anyone use a web cam with satellite internet? I've heard that it is a problem with the basic satellite internet because of the size of the downloaded file.
Can anyone give me some insight? Thanks!
dreamjosie said
12:44 AM Mar 3, 2007
We tried the webcam with our satellite internet (HughesNet Datastorm) and it did not work very well. I don't think the speed is fast enough. The picture would be choppy and we could not both speak in real time. It got so frustrating, we stopped trying. It might work better with a campground's WiFi that is highspeed. But I don't remember if we've tried that. It's been so long since we used it.
Here4Now said
09:35 AM Mar 3, 2007
Thanks...that's what I was afraid of. Has anyone tried it with the campground WiFi?
I'm starting a new Topic here under Linda's Campfire in the hopes some of you ladies are or having or have had the same problem I'm having regarding our children and grandchildren.
We are not fulltiming now...in fact are still in the process of making that BIG decision...but today while "chatting" with my spouse, I mentioned something about Florida being our "home base" and that we'd plan on hunkering down somewhere in Florida for the winter months and plan on traveling during the other 9 months as our daughter (age 36), son-in-law, and 4 grandchildren (ages: 11 (girl), 9(boy), 7(boy), & 5(boy)) moved down here last spring, from Michigan, and are only 3 hours from us. We moved down here in November, 2005 from Michigan, after retiring, never dreaming that the poor economy in Michigan would force them to move down here also just to find work (son-in-law in constructio).
Anyhow...my husband looked at me and said, "I knew you'd have trouble leaving the grandchildren...I don't want to do this with the idea we HAVE to come back to Florida every winter because of "THE GRANDCHILDREN"... I want to go to Texas one year and Arizona one year..." Well, one thing said led to another and he said, "....maybe we should not do this if YOU are still tied to the kids and grandkids...I knew this was going to be a problem..."
I REALLY want to do this fulltime thing. We both are wanderlusts and love to see and do new things, but how could I NOT know that I was going to see our daughter and grandchildren for a few months every year? I think he's trying to put me on a guilt trip...which I don't like...and dump the whole decision in MY lap!! I know I'd love the fulltime lifestyle as I'm not really a "house or stuff" kind of person...I don't get attached to "things"...if you know what I mean, but I AM attached to my children and grandchildren...especially my one and only granddaughter. Their paternal grandmother passed away a few months ago and our granddaughter would be emotionally devastated if she thought she was losing me too.
He did say, "there ARE airplanes ya know" eluding to the fact that we could fly back here...but I know from all the number crunching he's been doing that there just wouldn't be a lot of extra money for air flights.
I know there are some men who feel the same way I do, but I think mostly it's the Moms and Grandmoms who have these feelings.
I guess I'm just looking for that shoulder to lean/cry on and to see if anyone out there had the same type of conversation or reservations before really pulling the plug? If so, I'd like to hear from you.
I even had dreams of being able to take the grandkids with us on short trips when we came back to Florida.
Any suggestions on how to handle this without giving up "our" dream????
We also have a son who lives in NJ & NYC. He's single but has a long time girlfriend and I'm sure some day they'll marry and, hopefully, have children, but right now at age 26...he's just living life to the fullest and having FUN himself and could care less where we are. He's saying to us, "go for it...sounds like a lot of fun...like when we were in boating..."
Am I over reacting? Am I crazy? Should I ditch the dream?
I sympathize with you. My DH will retire in about 1 1/2 yrs, we'll travel eight to nine months a year. We decided we wanted to be near our daughter and family so will have a homebase in TX. I guess our difference is we won't be fulltimers, but parttimers with some sort of homebase. I would find it very difficult to not see my grandchild, take her on trips, and watch her grow. Luckily, my DH feels the same. Hopefully, you will come to some sort of compromise, as the fulltime lifestyle from what I uynderstand is very satisfying and rewarding. Then again, grandchildren grow so fast, don't they!
Georgia
I'm not a grandmother but I have the same situation brewing with my wife. We have four grandchildren in three different states. Keeping in touch will be somewhat of a problem. That is why I purchased web cams for everyone. Now we can see the children and grandchildren, it isn't quite the same but it adds to the pleasure when talking with them. You will need satilitte internet to have the speed you need to reduce the choppiness of the connection. Good luck in your endeavors, we hope to be full timing in a couple years.
Our problem has been with getting to see the new babies in Seattle and Texas. We are on our way back home now from visiting the 2 year old and 3 month old in Texas.
We have a budget category entitled "Grandchildren airfare" to help pay for plane tickets for them to come spend some time with us. The 10 year old granddaughter already has her plans made for summer of 2008. (We begin fulltiming this fall or winter)
We are really looking forward to spending a couple of months near Seattle or McKinney, Texas so we can spend more time with them. We also all have webcams and just about wear them out each weekend.
We will also soon have "step" grandchildren in Columbus, OH so we'll have another place to spend more time.
We have decided that as we crisscross the country, we'll be making stops along the way to visit family. We are a very close family even though we live miles apart. We'll continue to have annual medical and dental checkups in Illinois so that will facilitate visiting that family, and fortunately the 18 year old will be attending the University of Illinois so we'll be able to see him. He also wants to spend some time with us in Utah or Idaho.
Our grandchildren and children have been very supportive of our decision and all 5 children and their spouses are looking forward to meeting up with us along the road.
Dan and Gail
Also one thing I have come to learn about grands is that as they grow older, they tend to want to spend less time with grandparents and more time having fun living their own lives.
One last thing, we have told all three of our kids they need to have hookups for our RV at their houses for us....
GBY..................... Don and Cheryl
Most mothers must think alike! I think I mentioned to you in an email that this is one of my concerns about "traveling" and I don't even have grandchildren yet!! This was one of the things that I thought I would ask your opinion of, since you have grandchildren and are planning to travel. I just know that if my only daughter has a child I will need to be there. Of course, she also told me that they will have a bedroom just for me to stay at least three months because she will need my help!!
At any rate, it is truly a concern; weighing our desires to finally go & do the things we've worked so hard to be able to do, and then possibly not "being there" if you're needed. And I also really want to be a real "grandma" if I am blessed to get any grandchildren. My mother was a wonderful gramma to my daughter and I want to be so for mine! I was a busy working mom while my Tiff was growing up so maybe I can enjoy it if I get to be a gramma.
So, my thinking is that we will plan to travel, yet plan our travel to be able to take the MH to their home and park, so we can stay close by for some periods of time as needed or wanted, and to do so frequently. I was hoping you could shed some light on those issues!
It will be interesting to hear the responses of the "grammas" on here!
So all of you grammas, help us out and tell us how you handle this one!
Thanks in advance! & thanks Janenne for posting this question! (I can't wait to meet you!)
Molly
I had the same problem when we decided to take on this lifestyle. I had been minding my now 4 year old grand daughter for 2 days a week, 10 hour days, for over 2 years. We had become extremely close.
We've managed to see her for a week or 2, three times last year with 2 visits back home and a family reunion on the east coast last summer. We augment that with frequent phone calls. At the age of 3 she learned to dial the phone and calls me whenever she wants, for a few minute call, and then her attention span goes to the next thing that catches her eye. It's a great way to keep close though.
I just flew back to Milwaukee last weekend and brought her back with me to San Diego for a 10 day vacation. Needless to say we'll make the most of it. It's not the best solution, but it works for me, and allows us to enjoy this wonderful lifestyle.
It's a tough decision, that only you can make.
I must say, I don't think your husband is being unfair. Actually I think he's being very supportive, being willing to give up something he apparently looks forward to, if you're not going to be happy.
Good luck with whatever you decide,
Fred
So we hit the road and then went back to CA to be with kids/grands for the first year. In 2004 we decided to try Florida for Christmas. It was not too bad but I was a bit "down" during the holidays. 2005 brought us our first great grandson who lives in CA. So we'll be back here for the winter holidays for a few years.
There's a lot to see and do in the wonderful huge country but family beats it all. Our mode of life allows us to spend a bit of time each year with kids, parents, aunties and cousins in all parts of the country. For now....it's CA for the winter holidays.
If you both truly love the travel, new things, pursuing the dream idea ...then go for it! Nothing is forever and you'll never know unless you try. Take a really long trip...4-5 months and see how it goes for you. How much you miss the family.
Bottom line is that you can be flexible. You can celebrate Christmas in July in Montana :) This is what's working for us now ....who knows what the next year will bring. Whatever you decide you can always change. And if you get really lonely you can move across country pretty fast if the need arises.
Can anyone give me some insight? Thanks!